My Thunderbird Stud

I hitchhike expectantly on the highway, backpack on my shoulder

Ecstatic with the escapades that lay to the fore

A splendid black beast bolting in the gusting wind screeched to a halt

As the dust of the road spewed in the air clears, I see ‘thunderbird’ engraved on its throttle

Stubble look, tall and muscular, broad shoulders, masculine cologne

Denim ragged trousers, black jacket, leather gloves, and motorcycle boots

Masked in the helmet, I couldn't see if you had kind eyes

But a kindred spirit you are, helping a stranger on a deserted road

As we ride, the vistas transmuting in a jiffy, we leave behind trees and hills

Flying like eagles with momentum, hair swaying rhythmically in the wild wind

You take sharp curves, like a roller coaster, shift gears, all movements synchronized

My heart races with awe as I see you skillfully taming the feral beast

We ride in comfortable silence, not the awkward silence, mind you

in not feeling the need to fill the gaps between conversations

I let the majestic roar from the bike rumble in the backdrop

For I know the thunder of the engine is  pure music to your ears

The humps on the road are merely an excuse to hold you tight

Besotted I am, my heart feels warm, and a rosy glow adorns my cheeks

I catch you stealing glances into my eyes pretending to adjust the mirror

And hope in the heart of my hearts that you’ve also fallen for your pillion rider

A penny for deciphering your thoughts my mystery man! But alas the helmet!

Are you feeling your heart go squishy like I feel? I wonder

I will rather like the mystery hang unresolved in the air, fearing your answer

For I know you’re a true biker, the beast is your only love, and you belong to no one

I know not where you came from, I know not where you’ll head to

When my destination arises, please don’t ask me to get down

For you and the thunderbird have swayed me off my feet

And I will remember forever this ride with you, my thunderbird stud

I do not know if it is you, or the dark metal horse, or your heady cologne

But I’ve never felt so alive and thrilled with the adrenaline gushing in

Maybe for a short time, but with you I have sprouted new wings

When my destination arises, please don’t ask me to get down

The solitary blue stiletto

I and my blue mate

Encrusted with Swarovski crystals

Snake-skin leather, lace of velvet fleece

Heels pointed slick and shiny

Couture of Jimmy choo

Trend setters straight from Milan

Meant to see the glitz of glistening parties

Mind you... not any ordinary footwear we are

We often mock our neighbours-the dirty pair of sneakers

Of their futile existence, sans, style or substance

Regret why you keep us beside them

Being worn to drab unglamorous places

Biting the dust on potholed roads

Next to us they don’t even stand a chance

Because we are The blue stilettos

I and my blue mate

Endured your weight

Transformed your awkward gait

into a cat-walk on the ramp

Treaded and pranced miles

Made you stand inches taller

Elevated your confidence

Enhanced your persona

Fashionistas complimented you

Appreciated your style statement

 Designed to impress a woman’s vanity

We were your fad

Addressed to your whim

Jumped in your gambol

Pity you! Though we discomforted your feet

Ignoring the shoe-bites we gave

You suffered us stoically

Because we are The blue stilettos

But as my mate is lost.

I stand alone. Blue. Neglected.  Jaded.

A lonely sole in the closet

Waiting to be picked

Waiting to be dusted

Waiting to be worn again

Meant to see the glitz of glistening parties 

Missing the tick-tick rustle when tapped on the floor

The dirty sneakers stand proud and sturdy

They mock at me that I am all alone

Alas! You abandoned me in the shoebox

Choosing the dirty pair of sneakers over me

Ordained to a twist of fate

I know it wouldn’t be late

that you would totally dispose me off

Because I am the solitary blue stiletto

Didn't mean it

In the labyrinth of life we treaded together through thick and thin

But lost I was, so utterly, with just one faltered step away from you

And all the right steps taken before didn’t even matter.

Like the each railing of the track of a train, we became

Heading for the same destined end, but on parallel paths.

Can’t for miles see our ways merging, even beyond horizon.

I could sit with you for hours without saying a word

And could walk away feeling we had the best conversation

where we were comfortable in not needing to fill in gaps of silence.

Or I could sit with you for hours rambling on incoherently

Speaking about everything under the sun without mincing words

Because I know you wouldn’t judge me even if I spoke utter nonsense.

Enraged, ‘I won’t talk to you ever’ was what I said

Alas, this time you couldn’t perceive that I was talking gibberish

And that I didn't mean a word I said.

Thickest friends we were, our intimacy and friendship all assured

I hurt you inadvertently just once. Bitterness remained on,

And all the sweet moments we laughed together were all forgotten.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

*Purely fictional*

The thought of moving into a bigger city leaving behind my best friend scared me. I thought I would be alone all left to myself. Soon I was lucky enough to find one.

She became my new good friend in the new city. I had someone to talk to and laugh along with. Someone with whom I can catch up a weekend movie and relax in a fast food joint. Someone to share my secrets and and do the usual girl gossip. Everything was going fine but then some turn of events made misunderstandings to crop up in between us. Maybe it was her mistake or maybe it was mine, but nothing can revert back our friendship like the way it used to be before.

I admit I was less caring. I couldn’t give everything she was looking for in a friend. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. I didn’t indulge too much into her personal life. I thought I knew where to draw a line. I thought that’s what people want and appreciate-privacy. If she went out somewhere alone, I didn’t bother to ask her where and why. I respected her privacy and didn’t go knocking on the doors of her private life.

One day this third girl came along between us. She was the poky type….the one who pokes nose into other’s matters and digs in personal information. My friend thought that’s a trait to be a caring friend- to enquire into personal life. She would knock on the doors of her private space until she opened. They would gossip on and she would pour out every detail to her which I didn’t bother to know about. What she found as a caring nature I found it as an intrusion. Slowly their frequencies matched, they clicked on well.

I had faults. But even she did. If it wasn’t for my take-it-easy nature, I would never have forgiven the way she used to insult and hurt me in front of everyone wittingly or unwittingly. Or how she wouldn’t let go one little chance to poke fun on me and make me the target of her jokes.

With this third girl, we became a threesome. This third girl brought in another girl into our pack and yeah we had a fourth girl also in the picture. I was jealous. It used to be great before….just we both and we would hit the city on weekend and would have a great time. But with this pack thing, I had a difficulty moving along with them. My frequency didn’t match with them and I was the odd one out. They would laugh at a joke which I thought was very silly and keep wondering if I am dumb to understand wise jokes. The things which were funny to me weren’t to them, and they would keep a weird look on their faces wondering why I found that actually funny. I would remain silent in the pack and they conveniently ignored me as if I wasn’t present physically among them. Even if I was lost on the way, trying hard to catch up with their fast pace, they wouldn’t have bothered to stop and look for me. That’s what happened later. I was lost. I wandered onto a different road and found myself all alone.

Suddenly I was not the first person whom she would call up first to share excitedly any good news. Nor was I the person, she considered apt to discuss her sorrows to be consoled. I wasn’t the person she thought to be fit enough to be in her pack to hit the city on weekends. Nor was I the person she and her pack bothered to call along to join them for lunch and dinner in the mess. I wasn’t the person who had a chance to get the first bite from her birthday cake….the piece normally reserved for a best friend. Nor I was I the person she counted among her friends deserving her birthday treat at Mc Donalds. I wasn’t the person with whom she would sit next to in the bus. Before I would keep a seat for her and we both would enjoy the morning bus ride together listening to music. Nor was I given the special embroidered suits of which he hometown was famous for. She promised she would get them to me, back when we were just two and good friends.

I want to tell her that I am sorry if I did a mistake. I want the misunderstandings to evaporate. I want her back on talking terms where we would go on talking because we really wanted to and not because saying ‘hi, hello’ and exchanging pleasantries is a formality.

I wish I could turn back time. She moved on with her new found friends and doesn’t need me anymore. I still miss her. Alas, nothing can repair our tattered relationship gone disarrayed beyond anyone can repair.

Airborne

Running with echoing footsteps

on my terrace

flying paper kites colourful and bright

Watching my kite conquering the sky

splattered with clouds

soaring with birds taking flight

I felt bitter sweet nostalgia gripping me

going down the memory lane

Reminiscing childhood days

when I've flown kites and paper plane

I wish I were a kite

escalating to heights

creating rungs to the sky

chasing unfulfilled dreams

eyes with leaping imagination

discovering new lands

across the unknown boundaries

challenging the gusting winds

unceasing to ensuing predicaments

I'm at awe, at how just a bit of paper

grows wings and transcends horizons

while I'm here grounded for life

yet to sprout roots underneath

I wish I were a kite

with wisdom controlling my chaotic sanity

like the string monitoring the kite

from running amuck

Windowless Soul

Pressure at work?
Betrayed in love?
No reebok shoes?

Unnerving exams?
Lost in contest?
Unpaid dues?

You think you’re the only one in misery
That God doesn’t answer to your plea
Well, he doesn’t answer to my simple query--
I ask him how different is blue from green?
The rainbow colours unheard and unseen

And why they say spring is so colourful?
That poets, lovers, artists muse and cherish
I want to rhyme, kiss and paint dreams on canvas
Unmotivated, I ink about a dreary life, an unfulfilled wish
As my mind is trapped, God forgot to create windows
Canopied from inspiration and beautiful visions to relish

The ocean waves kissing the shore
Is it a sight worth dying for?
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder how you are!
In my mind’s eye, I do imagine, the ocean and the night
But am I doing justice to its beauty by envisioning it right?

Acknowledging the world by feel and touch
I feel the warmth of a loved one’s hug and cuddle
The velvet petal’s silkiness they call a daffodil
Walking barefoot on grassblades the dewdrop’s tickle

Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me do I look like a doll?
They say that I look so pretty…
Do they really mean it or say just to keep me happy?
I don’t understand how different beauty is from lack of it
That butterfly be admired, and caterpillar be trampled?
Is a rose so aesthetically different from a thorn?

They say my twinkling innocent eyes
glimmer like molten gold
Oh but of what use? Lifeless vestiges,
numbed to the perceptions of the outside world









The only colour I know is black
They say grass is green, sky is blue
You should tell me…is it really true?

I hear the ringing innocent laughter of a child, oh so pure!
Is his smile genuine reaching eyes? I wonder
I smell the lingering fragrance of newly drenched earth
And wish to witness the sky pouring out silver shower
I hear the melody and tune of the humming bird
And wish to see it sucking nectar out of perfumed flower

Trapped in a murky dark inferno
I close my eyes, all I see is stygian black
I open my eyes, I still see shades of the same
Keeping my four senses open,
With every step I take, venturing into the mysterious
Being beware of the ensuing hurdles,
Foraying into chasm of obscure shadows
I tripped, I was knocked, I was hurt and hit,
I bled to sanguine liquid drops they called blood


And you say you’re the only one in misery?
That god was unfair to you?
Yes, you are not as gifted as I am!
I’m spared to see the aversion mounting among mankind
Where the innocence of a child is stripped and cashed.
Reverence, candour, integrity --the words of yesterday
Kindness, compassion, civility --the virtues of history

What’s left in the world to see?
Deteriorating values and ethics of humanity?
Fraud and deception taking over fairness in quality?
Discrimination and discord wiping out unity?

Behind money and fame, on a wild goose chase
To appreciate small joys you don’t slow your pace
The rose, sky, butterflies and sun rays

A person’s negativity over his goodness is all that you see
I pity you! That way, pretty rotten place the world would be
You think you’re the only one in misery?
That God doesn’t answer to your plea?

Yes how true!

Frozen Desires

I am so happy!

Today has to be the happiest day in my life. The below zero temperature outside with breezing snow is so contrary to my present mood- so bright, brimming with happiness as warm as summer sunshine. Today I shall reveal my feelings to him. Now or never, I decide. For how long do I hesitate fearing his reaction? I am sure he will respond positively. My gut intuition never lets me down. I can see it in his every gesture, the very way he looks at me longingly, speaks volumes about how much he adores me. But yes, I know he is shy to propose. Just like me. But I shall make things easier for us.

Fresh roses! Bright red! I stop near the florist and buy roses. Roses have so rightly been symbolic of budding love for long. The beauty of the petals standing for the splendour of charming love. The thorns standing for the difficulties one has to face through to succeed in love. I can smell the pervasive fragrance of love in the air. Yes today is the day! What is it with love? Everything feels so poetic and beautiful- like the white specks of falling snow dotted against the red backdrop of the rose.

After one whole year of silently and secretly admiring him, the secret can no longer be contained in my heart. Love just one thing? No, love is to show, to express, to spread, to feel, to reciprocate!

I invite him for dinner to my place. The flickering fire burning in the fireplace makes the room very warm and cosy. He catches the look of delight in my twinkling eyes. He feels the electricity in the air… expecting something that will prove to be the biggest moment of our lives.
What is it with love? Can you read each other’s minds? As if there’s an invisible bond connecting our hearts. Thinking alike and feeling in unison…

The roses wait to be given and to be received…to be held testimony of our love. Relaxing, on the sofa, by the fireplace and watching the fire dancing brightly he says, ‘Today is the best day in my life dear!’

How right I was that our love was a mutual feeling!

‘Yes! Mine too!’ I say

‘I am glad you feel happy for me.’

‘I feel happy for us’

‘I waited for one whole year. Never got this chance.’

‘What? One year? You too?’

‘And finally Rachael agreed to marry me!'

‘Oh? I am happy for you. Truly!’

‘She has made me a happy man! I will leave now. Thanks for the lovely dinner’

I see his silhouette fading away with the growing distance, and try hard to fight back my tears. He for even once doesn't glance back. Love just one thing? No it is to hide, to sacrifice, to conceal, to forgo, to hurt!


The flames in the fireplace dampen long after he leaves, but the ashes keep burning…just like my fiery hot tears that stream down my cheeks. I throw the rose out of the window into the harsh wintry snow. It lays there, ignored, frozen in the chill, and piled below the sheets of ice and snow.


Whom could I blame? I kept listening to whatever he didn't utter. Without any reason I weaved high hopes. I presumed his unvoiced feelings. I took his love to be granted, conjuring love out of thin air, when it really didn’t exist.

Weeks fly by. Seasons change. Nothing is temporary.

The ice melts and the first rays of spring sunshine streak through the dried, barren stems of the trees, and touch the ground. As the layers of snow disappear one-by-one, I see my rose wilted and withered ashen brown.

Guardian angel

Inferno it was, dark and desolate
far removed, in the deserted underground
Faceless strangers were my friends
And were the only ones I relied upon

Buried in the hell, stifled I became...
Crawled towards the glimmer of light
A speck of hope at the very far end of the tunnel...
But couldn't see its direction, blinded that I was,
that eventually into the real world could liberate
from the shackles and boundaries of underground hell

Pleaded the passer-bys for guiding me to light
to the so-called friends of mine
Searched and screamed till my lungs ached
at the crest of my voice.
They refused to recognize me
labelled me as a stranger...

Pined for love, a touch ,a soothing word
Longed for a reassuring hand and for a 'real' friend

The friends I believed in, were far from me
Never could they hear me,
nor to my screams and cries of desperate help.
Screamed till I lost my voice.
Cried till my eyes were sore,
But never could they hear me...


Strings were suspended from above
And I was pulled towards the ray of light
Accustomed to darkness my eyes couldn't tolerate
the brightness of the outside world.
When I opened my eyes,
I was mesmerised to see the
beauty of the 'real ' world.
I was mesmerised to see her...


My saviour...

My guardian angel...

My best friend..




To Reeha- my best friend.For being my window into inspiration, joy and support when I was locked in a dungeon of utter hopeless moments and dejection.

Happy friendship day dear

Dreams on fire

The love letters scented in musk we wrote
the dried petals of the roses you left every morning
the love poems and lyrics we composed
the gifts,our photos,those greetings
the wonderful times we spent together, those abstract memories
the pages of my diary I filled about you every night......


You walked out of my life
without for once glancing back
But left these lingering traces
haunting and claiming my sanity


When I came to know
there is no more 'us'
But just you and me
gone in bifurcating ways
I decided to put an end to your memories
and sacrifice these reminders in the flames of fire


Years it took for me to nurture my dreams of love
but just a blink of an eye
for the incinerating fire to melt them into liquid dreams
Devoured the flames callously
Wiped them out from the chronicles of time
Undid the moments, erased out the memories

Scorched and scalded bits of paper
were all that was left of your love letters
Scarred and charred useless trash became all other gifts

For one last time before I could touch and feel the ashes
the cruel breeze blew off the ignited flakes of ash,
disseminated them here-and-there






With a sigh and a phew
When it is all done
I look into the mirror...

But it is not me who I see

Alas I never can forget you!

Incapable the fire was to burn the bonds which bound me to you
left those memories and scenes unblemished, untouched

I still see you...
your kiss...
your touch...
your love...
which warms my pulsating heart
gushing blood through veins
vitalizing every inch of my body

The record of every minute I spent with you,
is imprinted intricately in my memory
The past moments span in front of my eyes
playing in detail as if everything is happening right now


Still....
my heart contains love for you, swelling bountifully
my eyes refuse to vaporise your image locked in forever
my ears shamelessly long to hear you whisper my name


The brunt of your love which poisoned my body and soul
by burning the material traces will not be that easily obliterated


If your love is inseparable and a part-and parcel of my existence....
If I am your most striking remaining trace...
If you still exist in every drop of my sanguine blood....
If the passion of love burning in me can never be dampened....
If our souls are one intertwined for eternity that refuse to be apart...



Then how can I not set myself ablaze to truly forget you?



How can I not end my existence to put an end to your memories?



How can I not set myself ablaze to truly forget you??

The last reminder

At 15, I hated dogs with a violent passion.

I had an instant dislike for this family who shifted recently opposite to our apartment, as they had a pet dog. My mom asked me to befriend the neighbour's kid in his late teens. I somehow had this impression that dog owners contract lice from its fur. So I altogether avoided him.


This dog barked all night disturbing my studies and sleep. It was tied near the staircase and everyone who passed that way, were at its mercy. All it used to do was bark and bark... and well for the rest of the time, it would nibble my shoes left in the veranda or chew my clothes left for drying on the terrace. In short, my new neighbours and their dog hampered my peace.

One evening I searched a lot for my missing palm sized teddy which I left in the verandah. I was pretty sure that the dog nibbled it away. 'That's the hell it!', I thought and marched straight to my neighbour's and banged on their doors. The boy opened the door.

He looked cute. I wasn't sure if he had lice or not, but I stood very far from him anyway. I told him how I hated his pesky dog. I accused it of nibbling my teddy.

"Lost teddy?", he asked.

" Yeah. It's my favourite."

" Umm....did you look inside the washing machine?"

" What?....Well, no".

" It might be taking a bath in that", he said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Inspite of my consuming temper, I found his words sweet and funny

I went to my mom and asked her about the teddy. To my surprise, she did put it inside the washing machine as its dirty fur needed a wash. I went back to the boy and apologised.

"Apologies accepted. You don't like Tini?"

" I hate all dogs. They have lots of lice on them"

" Hey, not Tini. Come inside"

"Okay. But keep that canine creature far from me"

We played PSP, and listened to punk rock. He taught me a good deal about computer and photo shopping. I had a great time with him.

I was deeply involved in a bike racing game, when I felt something tickling my feet. I looked down to see Tini licking me with its lolling tongue. Instinctively I kicked it off. It rammed the sofa and banged its head against it.


We both ran near it out of concern. I was relieved that nothing happened to it and the next second the hyper active pup started jumping again and licked me all over.


"It likes you"

I touched its head over where it hit the sofa. Its fur was so smooth and silky. No lice. I loved the way the fur brushed and felt against my hand. I took the pup into my arms and started stroking it. I happened to actually love Tini !



Vikram, me and Tini became great buddies. I enjoyed their company and hung around in their home often. We three went to evening walks on the grassy lane in the park everyday without fail

Some months later Vikram got busy preparing for entrance exams. He didn't have the time for me. I missed him so much and out of sadness and anger I started a petty argument with him which turned out into a big quarrel and we stopped talking for a week. The next day I was disheartened to know that our family decided to leave Bangalore and go to a new place in few days.

I didn't conclude my cold war and was not on talking terms with him even on the last day. I didn't allow him to say a proper good-bye to me. While we were about to head to the station, he came down and tried to gift me a Teddy bear. I refused to take it out of ego. When the car was about to leave, he said he was sorry and hurled the teddy inside the window. I looked the other way.The car finally left the gate and it was then that I thought beyond my silliness and the final realisation that I can see him no more dawned on me. But it was too far too late then to make amends. I left behind so much.


I didn't call him all these three years. He is so faraway from me. Hearing his voice would make my heart ache and miss him even more.


And whenever my teddy goes missing, the first place I head to for searching, is the washing machine.

**********************




Guess what?

Today I'm with Tini walking the same grassy lane in the park we used to stroll along for evening walks.

I'm in B'lore now after so many years on a college industrial visit. Since that I'm here I thought I might as well say hi to Vikram and Tini. I knocked his door expectantly but I was told that he's not here anymore. He's studying B.tech in Pune staying in a hostel. His parents went to US. Poor Tini was left in the nearby Dog care Pen. I went to the Pen. As soon as it saw me, it recognized me and started nibbling my shoes. I paid Rs.900 and adopted it.

Tini missed its masters. It has lost sheen on the fur due to lack of proper care.It has lots of lice now. But that doesn't matter to me anymore.

As tini trots along the lane nibbling the grass, I get reminded of those happy times and I feel a crushing pain. I hated all dogs before. Due to Vikram I now know how friendly, and adorable these things can be. I don't know where exactly Vikram is now. I'm not sure if I'll meet him again. But I do have the reminder of the good times we shared in the form of Tini. I am going to take good care of it. Mom might be against the whole idea of pets, but I'll convince her. And did I tell you that I now love dogs passionately? Agreed they have lice and all , but such things can be overlooked, right?

Till death do us apart

"Perfect" the maid of honour remarks, as I sway the embellished white bridal gown. She adjusts the coronet adorned with a wreath of Rosemarys and covers my face with a netted veil. She hands over a bouquet of red roses to complement my attire.

I ask the make-up artist to overdo the mascara of my eyes. I have to conceal my tears behind the shades of heavy make-up and a pretentious visage. As I breathe in the fragrance of the bunch of crimson flowers I check their colour which stands a striking contrast against the purity of my white frock.

Perfect on the outside. But I feel shattered inside. I am supposed to look high in spirits.

But I won't cry. Not today.

His words with a velvet touch flow into my memory. I shake my head to brush his thoughts aside. He is my past. I remind myself. A closed chapter.

With a sigh, I walk towards the centre aisle of the church from the dressing room.The page boy carries the train of my flowing gown escorted with the bridesmaids. At the entrance of the church I am greeted by the best man with a wedding bouquet and a kiss. The prelude of melodious music flows in. I walk towards the altar as the flower-girl spreads rose petals on the floor.

"All rise for the bride"

Every step resounds in my ears. The guests greet me, but I walk on by like a cold expressionless stone. My father smiles at me and walks arm in arm with me.

As the bridal procession towards the altar continues the minister performs the call to worship.
" We are gathered here in the sight of God and these witnesses to unite Rachel Adams and Eben Scott in holy matrimony. As followers of Jesus Christ, let us reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage, for the welfare and happiness of mankind.In Christ's holy name. Amen. "

I look down the the path and count the marble tiles. Anything to keep me distracted from breaking down and weeping in front of the 150 odd guests who gathered. I want to yell at the crest of my voice that I belonged to someone else. The path seemed to take forever.

But I won't cry. Not today.

As I near the stage, I do a double-take, unable to believe my eyes. A man at the farthest end among the guests attracts my attention. Praying Jesus that it shouldn't be him, I walk dilly-dallying.

My heart thumps loudly. It's him!

Who informed him about the wedding anyway? I wanted it to happen hush-hush and brisk before he would come to know of it and become heart-broken.

Why did he have to come here now?

What did he mean by gate-crashing at the event?

Didn't he know it was difficult for me already to marry a man I didn't love? It isn't easy! But I had to. I killed my heart and the love it contained for agreeing to this wedding.


He looks very pale. His eyes are not looking at me. They are penetrating through me and I feel the sharpness of his piercing glance boring through me. He seems to ask the question that I haven't dared to ask or answer myself.

The congregation is asked to seat. The ushers light the candles. The groom enters escorted by groomsmen.

" Who gives this woman to be married to this man? " Asks the priest.

" We do". Answer my parents.

Though I avert his gaze, he keeps staring at me. I pull down the veil to shield my face from his questioning glance. I feel my heart pulsating unrythmically and reverberating audibly to the priest. His look of despair haunted me throughout the wedding proceeding.

That feeling of distraught.

That feeling of helplessness.

Heartbroken. Crestfallen.

That feeling of being jilted and betrayed in love.


I search for him among the guests and take a mere glance at him just for a split second, and look down immediately, but not before catching the 1000 expressions that crossed his face all at once.

I feel a dizzy spell. My extremities feel so numb. Bucketful of emotions are consuming me and whirling me mercilessly.

This would have happened quickly and painlessly if he didn't turn up here uninvited.

Why is he making it difficult for both of us?

His eyes convey to me every word with sparkling clarity.

Come back to me this very moment. Even now it's not too late. For whose sake are you doing it anyway?

I feel like running into his arms and calling off the wedding. But I shouldn't be distracted by sheer display of emotion. I feel my world closing on me.


But I won't cry. Not today.


The priest before the statue of The holy Jesus chants the wedding vows on the The Bible.

"Eben, do you take Rachel to be your wedded wife and in the presence of these witnesses do you vow that you will do everything in your power to make your love for her a growing part of your life? Will you stand by her in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and will you shun all others and keep yourself to her alone as long as you both shall live? "


Eben looks straight into my eyes and says confidently "In the name of Jesus, I Eben Scott take you, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow"


I don't feel myself. I don't hear a thing of the proceedings. I am so withdrawn into myself.

The priest looks at me and asks " Do you take Eben Scott as your husband?" The stern look on his face jolts me back to reality. Wondering for how long I've been a statue, I try to spill out those two words but they don't seem to come. Everyone wonders seeing my hesitation. Time and dimension freeze. After what seems like an eternity I manage to say I do, which sounds nothing more than a squeak and shows clear signs of stoical suffering though I intend it to sound confident.


Hymns are begun to be sung by the choir. The priest hands over the rings to us.

The Minister says "Father, bless these rings which the couple have set apart to be visible signs of the inward and spiritual bond which unites their hearts."


Eben says "Receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my love for you." Eben slides the ring over my trembling fingers.Everyone in the hall wait for me as I fumble for words. I finally stammer "Likewise". I look at him past the groom. He stands expressionless.

The priest says " Now that you both have given themselves to each other by the promises, I pronounce you to be husband and wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen "

The guests clap acoustically.

I expected him to intervene. But he stood there heart broken. It's all over now. I belong to somebody else now. I can feel him exploding inside. I mangle my fingers and dig into the flesh with my nails. Despite that I can't feel the physical pain of it. But my heart weighed down with excruciating pain.

But no, I won't cry. Not today.

"You may now kiss the bride."

The groom lifts the veil and kisses first my cheeks gently. And then my lips. I can't feel a thing. Eben's kiss isn't anything like the warmth and sparkle of the passionate kiss of his. It is bland and cold. Eben senses my discomfort and lets me go.

The minister says " It is now my privilege to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Eben Scott"
The hall breaks into applause.

My eyes begin to moisten with tears.

But I won't cry. Not today.

I suppress my tears before they start to stream down. I betrayed him and that feeling claimed my conscience. I feel like a treacherous vixen with vile.The groom slides his hand along my waist and excitedly takes me to the Bridal wain decorated with red roses waiting outside. The chauffeur opens the door for me. I get inside the wagon but my eyes search and pine for his sight. Maybe the last chance ever. He meant the world to me. He protected me like a harbour in an unexpected storm when I was like a vacillating wrecked ship. He was my pillar support admist the changing scenes of life. He made me perceive a world of true beauty.

But he is my past now. I can only hold onto those abstract memories.

I roll down the window pane, silently hoping for him to come out and look my way. To my utter dismay the wagon starts off to my supposedly new home. As the chauffeur veers off into another lane, he sends me a mail on my blackberry. Even before reading it, I know what would have been typed in anger.

Why?

Why did you betray me? I expected him to curse me bitterly.

But as I read on, to my astonishment, he doesn't seem to hold anything against me.

Look forward to the bright future this man wants to give you. Bury your past below profound depths. Have a beautiful life ahead.

It's hard to let you go. But I'll try. You deserve a better man afterall. Maybe we are not meant to be together. Seems like destiny had better plans for you.

Stay happy. Keep him happy. And just remember that out there in some corner of the world a man will be happy because you are happy.

As I finish reading the letter, my eyes brim up with tears. I can't control or suppress anymore. Now, at this moment, I break down and cry. Just this very day. Eben misunderstands and relegates my tears to a bride's cold feet emotions.

Tears roll down my cheeks and pelter down on the note, wetting the paper. They smudge my pretentious make-up and heavy mascara. I wail and weep with all my heart for the injustice I did to him.

For the injustice I did to us.

Moonlit blossom

Adorned was the night sky,
with the full-moon ,
encircled by polka-dotted stars...


Petals of the inchoate night lily bud
unwrapped one-by-one...

The lustrous moon
enthralled the lily...

The lily was swept away
by the moon at first sight.


The moon caste its image
on the pristine waters of the lake.
Basking in the shimmer of the moon
the lily blossomed to its prime beauty
night- by- night into a fully bloomed flower.


Admired the moon secretly
from a distance…
Adored its aura scrumptiously
for many nights…
Attempted to lure the moon
by its luscious petals…


It anticipated eagerly, until twilight
for the moon to arrive
and illuminate the night sky
with its pervasive milkyness.


Wondered why its lover,
shrinked night-by-night.
Nonetheless, it was awestruck
at the variegated hues
and the versatile shapes
the moon transmuted into every night.

After a fortnight...

It amassed courage
to reveal its innate feelings.
The lily waited that night
anxiously for the moon’s arrival.

But alas the moon didn’t return that night.
With jaded dreams, the lily pined for its sight.

Dejected it was…

Confused it was…

Forlorn and forsaken in the cold, murky waters
it withered and perished that very night
and was immersed
to the unfathomable depths of the lake.

The bride

Dedicated to my sister, Supriya who is a bride to be.

The dewy eyed bride
draped in bridal chiffon..
a complexion of molten gold...
tresses flowing down like a cascade of waterfalls...
adorned with glittering jewellery…

That’s how the bride
reflected in the pristine waters looked-- lovely and adorable.
But the image couldn’t portray my inner turmoil.



With every passing minute,
My heart loomed large on me

with doubt and apprehension…
Will he love me?
Will he care for me?
Will our minds be in sync?
My heart, it posed a thousand questions,
each demanding to be answered first.

There he was beside the holy fire.
An arranged alliance it was,
I only saw him from photographs
They are still hidden under my pillow
I furtively stare at them often.
But he looked something different in real…

Handsome and gallant he looked,
Trustworthy and cordial was his demeanour.
Light played through the edge of his hair
and made him appear like a guardian angel.

Besotted, I was swept away by his charm.

Finally the auspicious moment dawned upon…

The incantation of dulcet mantras…
The flicker of holy fire…
The fragrance of incense sticks and camphor…
Lingered in the environs.

As the ember blazed in the flame…
He held my hand, the warm touch, firm yet gentle
Stealing glances I dared to look straight into his eyes for a moment
His sharp eyes conveyed it all—
Silent, incorporeal promises he seemed to make—

“I’ll overcome all odds
and embrace every adversity for your sake.
I’ll keep you happy, my bride”

Reassured I looked down
with blushing cheeks, to avoid his glance.
All my apprehensions and frisson
dissolved into oblivion.

My heart leaped out
thumping audibly in my chest…
As the 3 knots were tied
bonded with trust and love…
The 7 steps were trodden
around the flickering fire…
For I00 years of togetherness
and lifetime commitment…

Revolving around the flickering fire,
as he led me confidently,
I experienced an epiphany of marital bliss.

I offered a silent prayer—
“May this marriage last till eternity
I’ll treasure this permanent union
and vow to stand by my soul mate
during the various vicissitudes of life”

Skulls and skeletons

I wake up from the eternal sleep

staring into inky blackness.

Can't bear the stifling putrid stench

trapped in the stale stinking air.

Shock engulfed I sniff to realise

that it is me emanating the foul reeking odour.

I run my frail fingers

with long inches of dirty unclipped nails

beneath thousands of dainty unkempt braids,

my face hung slack, bloated and pale,

scarred and wounds untended,

the skin loosening and wilted from within,

gaunt eyes sunken into sockets,

bones, sinew and brawn exposed.

A bare perishing corpse is all I am now,

stripped off attire and aspirations,

shivering in the cold of the chilled stagnant air

embodied in filthy green moss and strings of cobwebs.

The organic remains of my body

mingling into clay and sand.

Bugs, worms and infesting viruses

crawling and creeping into my skin

and eating my insides.

My body might have aged, but did my soul?

Lying still and helpless in the lugubrious coffin,

brooding in impermeable onyx I reminisce,

digging into the glints of dwindling memories.

Vague flashes of images stream across

of how life once used to be--

I chased surreal dreams

But now, in the end they didn't even matter.

My dreams died unfulfilled

along with my mortal self.

My perennial soul refuses to cease existing.
Trapped in the decomposing dead body

windowless and numbed

to the perceptions of the outside world

unaware of the colours to see,

of music to hear, of textures to feel,

of savours to taste and aromas to smell.

I wriggle to be released, to rise up dead.

and break open the lid of the coffin

to realise my unfulfilled dreams.

But I don't find my spine and legs

All that I have is a rusted, crippled body

decaying little by little with a gordy odour.

The very blood that once coursed

through my iridescent veins
providing my every inch with life,
now clotted and caked,
turned a shade of stygian brown,

and froze in timeless age.

Residing in the murky dark hole of 6 feet coffin
I experience veiled in the
hollowed gravity of infernal hell,
that is sucking me into a pin-point hole.

Loneliness grips me,

tearing my already shredded self.

Pitch darkness consumes me ,
killing my already dead body.

My name now that nobody utters nor remembers,

is confined to the faded etchings of the tombstone marble.

'Rest in peace' it is engraved.

But regret, grief, sorrow return to claim

my life and peace even after my survival.

Neglected by loved ones who have forgotten me,

they pushed me into deepest corners of their memories.

I spend my time waiting for the reverberance of footsteps

of someone coming to offer me flowers.

Alas, the obliterated path to the graveyard is oblivious.

I feel pain but not the physical pain,

because I don't have a body anymore.

Not even the emotional pain

because I don't have a heart neither a mind.

It's rather an inexplicable crunching pain

radiating from where once my heart was

to the debilitated extremities.

I hear ghostly cries in the cemetery
of other spirits like me hauling

and pleading to be let out,
to seek revenge against those who live

unconcerned and indifferent to our deaths.

Rage gushing and spurting out my crumbled body

I break free of the corpse in resurrection

and join my brotherly souls and zombies.

Armed by axe and daggers in the spooky full-moon light...

we bellow together like a pack of wild hounds...

and vow to haunt and plague all the living...

and scare them to death.