Sunday, July 19, 2009

Rants of a single life

Being single is like a double-edged knife. Weighing its pros and cons, here's a self analysis post.

Single life : A bane?

Being single has a lots of negatives. Firstly life is very dry,dull and dab. I feel jealous of all my friends who are committed. They are always happy and keep smiling for no reason. I wonder if it has something to do with their boyfriends.

1)They excitedly run to their phones when it rings hoping it would be their bfs. While, I get annoyed and curse my mobile when it rings, only to disturb me.
They giggle to themselves reading sms's from their bfs and keep messaging very frequently, feeding their bfs with information of what they do every second.
"Hi hun! I just washd my face now. Wht's up wid u? Lotsa kisses. Muaaah."
They have an up-to-date knowledge of all network offers, like which network offers free sms's, free within network calls, 10 paise per minute calls, happy night free hours etc. They start getting worried if their mobile balance runs lower than Rs. 50. They go to the nearby grocery shop atleast twice a day for buying top-ups.
And me?
If I have balance in my phone, my roomies ask me if they can make calls with mine. I can't refuse also. So nowadays I don't bother to recharge.My balance even if it is at 20 paise, I heck don't give a damn.

2)One of my Bangalore friends is blessed with 2 boyfriends. A backdoor relationship. She says she can't remember what she said to each of them and gets confused often.
One day, her bf # 1, she and I went to Branded factory. When her bf was selecting an outfit, I saw he had the vote ink dot on his index finger. I asked him to which party he voted for. I have respect for people who use their vote franchise.
A week after that we went out with her bf # 2. While he was waving to us, I saw the vote dot on his finger too. I asked him the same question. My friend instantly blurted out, " How many times will you ask him?" He was bemused and said to her that it was the first time I was asking him. Their was a shock of realisation in her when she found him on the verge of getting doubt on her. Her bf # 2 is very suspicious. It was hard for me to control my laughter seeing them both. Then she regained, after he didn't seem to doubt anything. We both winked and found the whole thing funny later.

But the good thing is that she gets double of everything. Double gifts, double flowers, double love....

3)Remember the scene from 'jannat' where the girl stares into the window display of a ring. Emran walks into the showroom and breaks the window to get the ring for her.
Well, I stare at so many windows of so many showrooms at pretty much everything gloomily with a long face,unable to buy jewellery I like because I'm broke most of the times. I always wait for my Emran to come. Alas, there is no one to steal for me :(

4)On the way to my room, one night, I stopped at the grocery store to buy some items. Just then a boyishly handsome guy stepped into the shop. I only could stare at him with my jaw open. I was waiting for him to look my way. Maybe just one of my sharp killer looks will be sufficient to lay him. He didn't bother to look anywhere. He just walked into the shop, asked for airtel night balance recharge coupon, recharged his mobile and started speaking into his phone excitedly. My heart broke then into a 1ooo pieces! Surely he was already committed. That explains the night balance.

5) My friends choose spending time with their bfs rather than spending with me. Everyone in the hostel go out somewhere or the other with their lovers and I am left alone in the room :(

My roomie once was very generous to take me out along with her bf. So we went to Metropolis mall in threesome.
But I regretted going out with them. I was like a hurdle in their path for romance. They were searching for chances secretly for kissing etc etc, whenever I turned the other way. I felt very embarrassed and cheap to come along with them only to spoil the fun for them. Later in the elevator, they found a private space. They made an excuse that they needed to buy something. They made me wait down at the coffee shop. The guy offered to buy me a pastry so that I would be engaged while they go to the elevator to do their thing. I knew what trick was playing in their mind.I was so irritated at them to keep me waiting that I intentionally selected the most expensive pastry on the menu. My friend's bf just gulped and silently paid the bill and sat me down alone at the table. I was so sure that he scolded her gf that she brought me along. I was a pain in 'there' to them. But I got my revenge. Why bother to invite me when they wanted to spend intimate moments?

6) I went with 2 of my friends along with their bfs to Mc D. We girls were thirsty and hungry . We waited while the guys went to order for us.The guys got glasses of water and burgers for their respective girls but not for me. I realised I had to fetch water and food myself and joined the queue.

Single life : A boon?

1) I need not bother about what I wear. All my other friends, buy expensive branded clothes and dress up hours to impress their bfs. I pick up clothes from the streets and don't even bother to check into the mirror when I get ready.
At this point, I always have an argument with my friend. She disagrees with me and points out that singles need to take extra care for dressing to impress and lay a guy for entering into relationship.

2)My bank balance always grows. I don't spend money on cell phone bills, greeting cards, gifts, flowers etc. I buy for myself.

3) I need not remember important dates like the day of proposal, his birthday, the day of first kiss, the day of first.....

4) I live my life by my own rules. Nobody dominates me. Some of my friends have bossy bfs.

5) I have a pleasant night's sleep. Rest of my friends wake up all night, shaking away their sleep to call their lovers, using the night balance.

I still can't resolve my dilemma. Is it a bliss or a curse?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Skulls and skeletons

I wake up from the eternal sleep
staring into inky blackness.
Can't bear the stifling putrid stench
trapped in the stale stinking air.

Shock engulfed I sniff to realise
that it is me emanating the foul reeking odour.
I run my frail fingers
with long inches of dirty unclipped nails
beneath thousands of dainty unkempt braids,
my face hung slack, bloated and pale,
scarred and wounds untended,
the skin loosening and wilted from within,
gaunt eyes sunken into sockets,
bones, sinew and brawn exposed.

A bare perishing corpse is all I am now,
stripped off attire and aspirations,
shivering in the cold of the chilled stagnant air
embodied in filthy green moss and strings of cobwebs.
The organic remains of my body
mingling into clay and sand.
Bugs, worms and infesting viruses
crawling and creeping into my skin
and eating my insides.

My body might have aged, but did my soul?
Lying still and helpless in the lugubrious coffin,
brooding in impermeable onyx I reminisce,
digging into the glints of dwindling memories.
Vague flashes of images stream across
of how life once used to be--
I chased surreal dreams
But now, in the end they didn't even matter.
My dreams died unfulfilled
along with my mortal self.

My perennial soul refuses to cease existing.
Trapped in the decomposing dead body
windowless and numbed
to the perceptions of the outside world
unaware of the colours to see,
of music to hear, of textures to feel,
of savours to taste and aromas to smell.
I wriggle to be released, to rise up dead.
and break open the lid of the coffin
to realise my unfulfilled dreams.
But I don't find my spine and legs
All that I have is a rusted, crippled body
decaying little by little with a gordy odour.

The very blood that once coursed
through my iridescent veins
providing my every inch with life,
now clotted and caked,
turned a shade of stygian brown,
and froze in timeless age.

Residing in the murky dark hole of 6 feet coffin
I experience veiled in the
hollowed gravity of infernal hell,
that is sucking me into a pin-point hole.
Loneliness grips me,
tearing my already shredded self.
Pitch darkness consumes me ,
killing my already dead body.

My name now that nobody utters nor remembers,
is confined to the faded etchings of the tombstone marble.
'Rest in peace' it is engraved.
But regret, grief, sorrow return to claim
my life and peace even after my survival.
Neglected by loved ones who have forgotten me,
they pushed me into deepest corners of their memories.
I spend my time waiting for the reverberance of footsteps
of someone coming to offer me flowers.
Alas, the obliterated path to the graveyard is oblivious.

I feel pain but not the physical pain,
because I don't have a body anymore.
Not even the emotional pain
because I don't have a heart neither a mind.
It's rather an inexplicable crunching pain
radiating from where once my heart was
to the debilitated extremities.

I hear ghostly cries in the cemetery
of other spirits like me hauling
and pleading to be let out,
to seek revenge against those who live
unconcerned and indifferent to our deaths.
Rage gushing and spurting out my crumbled body
I break free of the corpse in resurrection
and join my brotherly souls and zombies.
Armed by axe and daggers in the spooky full-moon light...
we bellow together like a pack of wild hounds...
and vow to haunt and plague all the living...
and scare them to death.
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