Acknowledgements of my upcoming book

I thought of a wonderful plot for my novel which is going to be out in the near future. I hope some reputed publishers like the manuscript and agree to print my work. So people, watch out for author Aparna's upcoming book!

Here's the preview of the acknowledgements page just for the benefit of you folks! Well, they say that a work in development should not be revealed before it is ready, but here it is anyway.


A huge thank you--


To my Parents, for buying and letting me read novels rather than academic books. For their patience to bear my tantrums and pocket money demands.

To the Jayanagar street pirated novel sellers, for making all the wonderful novels available at an affordable cost. Never mind that some pages go missing and that the print is bad.
For taking pity on me and not trying to sell pirated copies of this particular novel.

To my best friend Reeha, for proof reading the entire novel and making umpteen suggestions. (Finally by incorporating all of them my novel didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be!)

To the heartthrob and imaginary Nick, with love. For making me smile whenever I think of his name. For making me experience what love, fantasy and pain is.

To Edward cullen, for letting me imagine him as a temporary boyfriend until I find one. And for introducing me to fantastic creatures like vampires and werewolves to dream all night.

To my sister Akhila-the little menace maker, for giving me various ideas to write this tragedy novel. Without her my life would have been peaceful and I wouldn't have had a first-hand experience of troubles and tribulations.

To my Kolkata brothers- Prithwish, Anwesh and Aersh for being the inspiration behind writing fiction.

To maverick, for always kindling sparks of inspiration in me to write beautiful, heart-touching masterpieces.

To Ruben, for pointing me out that my life could be interesting too during the times I felt my life was monotonous.
To Ste and Rashi, for introducing me to a creative writers union called 'Writer's lounge'.

To Arun Kumar, Brocasarea, Ashish Gaurav, ani_aset, Aritra, NJ, cutestangel, Nazish R for always going through the kilometer long blog posts I write. Thank you for the patience.

To Nevil, for being Avalanche and making me his Kitty.


And here's the plot of my story.
























































Actually I only thought about the acknowledgements and how the cover page is going to be till now. I'm still racking my brains for a good story. So folks, pray that some brainwave strikes me soon!


P.S : Please refrain from buying pirated copies of my novel even if it costs Rs. 600.

The last reminder

At 15, I hated dogs with a violent passion.

I had an instant dislike for this family who shifted recently opposite to our apartment, as they had a pet dog. My mom asked me to befriend the neighbour's kid in his late teens. I somehow had this impression that dog owners contract lice from its fur. So I altogether avoided him.


This dog barked all night disturbing my studies and sleep. It was tied near the staircase and everyone who passed that way, were at its mercy. All it used to do was bark and bark... and well for the rest of the time, it would nibble my shoes left in the veranda or chew my clothes left for drying on the terrace. In short, my new neighbours and their dog hampered my peace.

One evening I searched a lot for my missing palm sized teddy which I left in the verandah. I was pretty sure that the dog nibbled it away. 'That's the hell it!', I thought and marched straight to my neighbour's and banged on their doors. The boy opened the door.

He looked cute. I wasn't sure if he had lice or not, but I stood very far from him anyway. I told him how I hated his pesky dog. I accused it of nibbling my teddy.

"Lost teddy?", he asked.

" Yeah. It's my favourite."

" Umm....did you look inside the washing machine?"

" What?....Well, no".

" It might be taking a bath in that", he said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Inspite of my consuming temper, I found his words sweet and funny

I went to my mom and asked her about the teddy. To my surprise, she did put it inside the washing machine as its dirty fur needed a wash. I went back to the boy and apologised.

"Apologies accepted. You don't like Tini?"

" I hate all dogs. They have lots of lice on them"

" Hey, not Tini. Come inside"

"Okay. But keep that canine creature far from me"

We played PSP, and listened to punk rock. He taught me a good deal about computer and photo shopping. I had a great time with him.

I was deeply involved in a bike racing game, when I felt something tickling my feet. I looked down to see Tini licking me with its lolling tongue. Instinctively I kicked it off. It rammed the sofa and banged its head against it.


We both ran near it out of concern. I was relieved that nothing happened to it and the next second the hyper active pup started jumping again and licked me all over.


"It likes you"

I touched its head over where it hit the sofa. Its fur was so smooth and silky. No lice. I loved the way the fur brushed and felt against my hand. I took the pup into my arms and started stroking it. I happened to actually love Tini !



Vikram, me and Tini became great buddies. I enjoyed their company and hung around in their home often. We three went to evening walks on the grassy lane in the park everyday without fail

Some months later Vikram got busy preparing for entrance exams. He didn't have the time for me. I missed him so much and out of sadness and anger I started a petty argument with him which turned out into a big quarrel and we stopped talking for a week. The next day I was disheartened to know that our family decided to leave Bangalore and go to a new place in few days.

I didn't conclude my cold war and was not on talking terms with him even on the last day. I didn't allow him to say a proper good-bye to me. While we were about to head to the station, he came down and tried to gift me a Teddy bear. I refused to take it out of ego. When the car was about to leave, he said he was sorry and hurled the teddy inside the window. I looked the other way.The car finally left the gate and it was then that I thought beyond my silliness and the final realisation that I can see him no more dawned on me. But it was too far too late then to make amends. I left behind so much.


I didn't call him all these three years. He is so faraway from me. Hearing his voice would make my heart ache and miss him even more.


And whenever my teddy goes missing, the first place I head to for searching, is the washing machine.

**********************




Guess what?

Today I'm with Tini walking the same grassy lane in the park we used to stroll along for evening walks.

I'm in B'lore now after so many years on a college industrial visit. Since that I'm here I thought I might as well say hi to Vikram and Tini. I knocked his door expectantly but I was told that he's not here anymore. He's studying B.tech in Pune staying in a hostel. His parents went to US. Poor Tini was left in the nearby Dog care Pen. I went to the Pen. As soon as it saw me, it recognized me and started nibbling my shoes. I paid Rs.900 and adopted it.

Tini missed its masters. It has lost sheen on the fur due to lack of proper care.It has lots of lice now. But that doesn't matter to me anymore.

As tini trots along the lane nibbling the grass, I get reminded of those happy times and I feel a crushing pain. I hated all dogs before. Due to Vikram I now know how friendly, and adorable these things can be. I don't know where exactly Vikram is now. I'm not sure if I'll meet him again. But I do have the reminder of the good times we shared in the form of Tini. I am going to take good care of it. Mom might be against the whole idea of pets, but I'll convince her. And did I tell you that I now love dogs passionately? Agreed they have lice and all , but such things can be overlooked, right?

Signed, sealed and delivered

Dear Love of the future,

Where are you? Why didn't you find me yet? Every night I lay in the corner of my room, on the cozy bed and look out of the window waiting for you. I think of a million questions which whirl in the air around me demanding answers.

How do you look? I hope you look cute and boyishly handsome. Do you sing well? I want you to hold me and sing lullabies to me as I sleep blissfully knowing nothing can harm me if I laid in your arms. We can sing duets together also. I want you to teach me guitar. I'm so lazy to attend the music classes. I can't dance that well. That won't be a problem to you, would it?


I want you to love me for who I am and not someone prettier or smarter. I'm a little shy, timid and nervous. Please don't mind that. When we bump into each other the first time, I might be bad at breaking the ice. I'm not so good with new people. But as I will get to know you, I won't be able to stop chatting. I can get so talkative without a break. Will you listen to me attentively or just pretend so like all my friends do?

Please say 'I love you' to me very often. I need to be assured from my insecurities. Please compliment on my outfits and say I look good everyday because I am a sucker for compliments. Oh and I should say that when I blush out of shyness or cry or laugh too much, my face goes pink and my eyes get small.

Please be patient with me when we go shopping. Don't expect me to pay the bills when we go on a date because for some unknown reasons I always run low on cash. And also, I will give only missed calls because I am a miser when it comes to mobile balance. Please promptly call me back then. Actually call me very, very frequently like 4 or 5times or even more in an hour.


 I hate non-veg. So don't expect company from me when we head to Mc Donald's.I don't understand cricket. So it won't be fun for you if you are planning to watch IPL together with a witty girl with whom you can discuss and comment on the game moves, the cricketers and all. But I want to impress you. So I will ask my friend tomorrow to tutor me on cricket.

I hope you listen to the same kind of music like I do and read same kind of novels like I do. I want you to share my interests when it comes to books and music. It would be fun, to lay down on the couch and discuss about a common favourite band or our favourite author's upcoming book.

Can we build a tree house by the side of the sea and live secluded from the rest of the world? I need all the privacy in the world! Can we keep puppies as pets honey? My room mate's boy friend hates dogs. I hope you don't think the same. Please gift me two cute Lhasa dogs for my birthday this time. I have thought of their names also-- pebble and bubble.


Don't forget to wish me on my birthday. Be the first one to call me right at the break of 12. Let me tell you that I get really hurt when people forget my birthday. It's a touchy subject for me. It hits me on my nerves. So set a mobile reminder or something, and remember about it.

Don't ask me that we go together for a horror and scary psycho thrillers in the theatre. I get so scared you know. When my friends ask me to come for a horror movie, I can't refuse because they call me a chicken and poke fun on me in the entire class. So I'm left with no other choice than to shiver uncontrollably and close my eyes during the entire film. They get disgusted when I scream or cry also. I hope atleast you will understand me and take me out to those girly, frilly, romantic chick flicks. You know, the ones that guys don't normally relate to. Oh, I will let you go watch all those scary movies with your bunch of friends.


I hope you have a good physique. I hate fat people. Do you head to gym everyday? Naina's bf has gained weight recently and they look like beauty and beast together.

I won't ask you for all your time. I will give you your space, time and privacy. I won't panic that you broke up with me, even if it's a week that you called me. I will just reason that you are doing so because you are really busy. But I would be happy if you did call saying so.

I hope you will love me more than I could possibly love you. Please promise me that nothing would make your love waver or diminish for me. I hope it can get stronger by days and endures the test of time. Don't ever hurt me. I'm so sensitive and die-hard romantic when it comes to love. For me love is all about commitment and dedicating one's life solely to lover. You must think I read too many cheesy novels and watch romantic movies. But I believe in fairy tales. Can we live one together and happily ever after?

I am a dreamer and a very imaginative person. I believe in building castles and fantasies in the air. I want you join me in these fantasies and make them real and tangible.

Don't break my dream and fantasy. Don't call our relationship quits no matter what. If you happen to fall out of love from me, then deceive me, cheat me. Don't let me know that you are going on with some other girl. As long as I don't know, it doesn't matter right? Act smart and concote some cock-and-bull stories if I find a lipstick mark on your shirt, or saw you kissing someone. I am very naive, so I'll definitely buy it. As long as I believe that I am the only one for you, even though it is false and lies, it doesn't matter right? I just want you to know that I want to be with you together and love you forever even if you don't love me back enough.

I've already planned the way we will bump into each other the first time. It's going to be surreal and romantic. Rose and lavender petals are going to drop out of nowhere from the sky, there would be warm breeze blowing , smooth music playing by in the background and everything will go at slow-motion. Time would freeze then and there. Surroundings would become stagnant. You and I will be the only ones moving. I run from this end and you from the other and I fall into your arms and you kiss me. Then you whisper me those three magical words I always wanted to be told.You know like how it happens in the movies. Like love at first sight. We meet, like each other and live together all our lives.



When will we meet? I am here waiting for you high up in the castle, shackled by the witch of unfortunes. I won't let my hair down, so get a ladder beforehand. I hope you are strong enough to fight this mighty ferocious dragon. Get a horse and be my knight in shining armour. And oh, make the horse a black one, and paint its saddle in pink so as to match the colour of my pink lacy robes. Did I tell you that pink is my favourite colour. What's your favourite colour?

The castle touches the sky, so we can dance on the fluffy clouds and pluck the stars after you rescue me.

Like I said I love fairy tales. Can we live one together?

Forever yours

x0x0

Till death do us apart

"Perfect" the maid of honour remarks, as I sway the embellished white bridal gown. She adjusts the coronet adorned with a wreath of Rosemarys and covers my face with a netted veil. She hands over a bouquet of red roses to complement my attire.

I ask the make-up artist to overdo the mascara of my eyes. I have to conceal my tears behind the shades of heavy make-up and a pretentious visage. As I breathe in the fragrance of the bunch of crimson flowers I check their colour which stands a striking contrast against the purity of my white frock.

Perfect on the outside. But I feel shattered inside. I am supposed to look high in spirits.

But I won't cry. Not today.

His words with a velvet touch flow into my memory. I shake my head to brush his thoughts aside. He is my past. I remind myself. A closed chapter.

With a sigh, I walk towards the centre aisle of the church from the dressing room.The page boy carries the train of my flowing gown escorted with the bridesmaids. At the entrance of the church I am greeted by the best man with a wedding bouquet and a kiss. The prelude of melodious music flows in. I walk towards the altar as the flower-girl spreads rose petals on the floor.

"All rise for the bride"

Every step resounds in my ears. The guests greet me, but I walk on by like a cold expressionless stone. My father smiles at me and walks arm in arm with me.

As the bridal procession towards the altar continues the minister performs the call to worship.
" We are gathered here in the sight of God and these witnesses to unite Rachel Adams and Eben Scott in holy matrimony. As followers of Jesus Christ, let us reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage, for the welfare and happiness of mankind.In Christ's holy name. Amen. "

I look down the the path and count the marble tiles. Anything to keep me distracted from breaking down and weeping in front of the 150 odd guests who gathered. I want to yell at the crest of my voice that I belonged to someone else. The path seemed to take forever.

But I won't cry. Not today.

As I near the stage, I do a double-take, unable to believe my eyes. A man at the farthest end among the guests attracts my attention. Praying Jesus that it shouldn't be him, I walk dilly-dallying.

My heart thumps loudly. It's him!

Who informed him about the wedding anyway? I wanted it to happen hush-hush and brisk before he would come to know of it and become heart-broken.

Why did he have to come here now?

What did he mean by gate-crashing at the event?

Didn't he know it was difficult for me already to marry a man I didn't love? It isn't easy! But I had to. I killed my heart and the love it contained for agreeing to this wedding.


He looks very pale. His eyes are not looking at me. They are penetrating through me and I feel the sharpness of his piercing glance boring through me. He seems to ask the question that I haven't dared to ask or answer myself.

The congregation is asked to seat. The ushers light the candles. The groom enters escorted by groomsmen.

" Who gives this woman to be married to this man? " Asks the priest.

" We do". Answer my parents.

Though I avert his gaze, he keeps staring at me. I pull down the veil to shield my face from his questioning glance. I feel my heart pulsating unrythmically and reverberating audibly to the priest. His look of despair haunted me throughout the wedding proceeding.

That feeling of distraught.

That feeling of helplessness.

Heartbroken. Crestfallen.

That feeling of being jilted and betrayed in love.


I search for him among the guests and take a mere glance at him just for a split second, and look down immediately, but not before catching the 1000 expressions that crossed his face all at once.

I feel a dizzy spell. My extremities feel so numb. Bucketful of emotions are consuming me and whirling me mercilessly.

This would have happened quickly and painlessly if he didn't turn up here uninvited.

Why is he making it difficult for both of us?

His eyes convey to me every word with sparkling clarity.

Come back to me this very moment. Even now it's not too late. For whose sake are you doing it anyway?

I feel like running into his arms and calling off the wedding. But I shouldn't be distracted by sheer display of emotion. I feel my world closing on me.


But I won't cry. Not today.


The priest before the statue of The holy Jesus chants the wedding vows on the The Bible.

"Eben, do you take Rachel to be your wedded wife and in the presence of these witnesses do you vow that you will do everything in your power to make your love for her a growing part of your life? Will you stand by her in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and will you shun all others and keep yourself to her alone as long as you both shall live? "


Eben looks straight into my eyes and says confidently "In the name of Jesus, I Eben Scott take you, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow"


I don't feel myself. I don't hear a thing of the proceedings. I am so withdrawn into myself.

The priest looks at me and asks " Do you take Eben Scott as your husband?" The stern look on his face jolts me back to reality. Wondering for how long I've been a statue, I try to spill out those two words but they don't seem to come. Everyone wonders seeing my hesitation. Time and dimension freeze. After what seems like an eternity I manage to say I do, which sounds nothing more than a squeak and shows clear signs of stoical suffering though I intend it to sound confident.


Hymns are begun to be sung by the choir. The priest hands over the rings to us.

The Minister says "Father, bless these rings which the couple have set apart to be visible signs of the inward and spiritual bond which unites their hearts."


Eben says "Receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my love for you." Eben slides the ring over my trembling fingers.Everyone in the hall wait for me as I fumble for words. I finally stammer "Likewise". I look at him past the groom. He stands expressionless.

The priest says " Now that you both have given themselves to each other by the promises, I pronounce you to be husband and wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen "

The guests clap acoustically.

I expected him to intervene. But he stood there heart broken. It's all over now. I belong to somebody else now. I can feel him exploding inside. I mangle my fingers and dig into the flesh with my nails. Despite that I can't feel the physical pain of it. But my heart weighed down with excruciating pain.

But no, I won't cry. Not today.

"You may now kiss the bride."

The groom lifts the veil and kisses first my cheeks gently. And then my lips. I can't feel a thing. Eben's kiss isn't anything like the warmth and sparkle of the passionate kiss of his. It is bland and cold. Eben senses my discomfort and lets me go.

The minister says " It is now my privilege to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Eben Scott"
The hall breaks into applause.

My eyes begin to moisten with tears.

But I won't cry. Not today.

I suppress my tears before they start to stream down. I betrayed him and that feeling claimed my conscience. I feel like a treacherous vixen with vile.The groom slides his hand along my waist and excitedly takes me to the Bridal wain decorated with red roses waiting outside. The chauffeur opens the door for me. I get inside the wagon but my eyes search and pine for his sight. Maybe the last chance ever. He meant the world to me. He protected me like a harbour in an unexpected storm when I was like a vacillating wrecked ship. He was my pillar support admist the changing scenes of life. He made me perceive a world of true beauty.

But he is my past now. I can only hold onto those abstract memories.

I roll down the window pane, silently hoping for him to come out and look my way. To my utter dismay the wagon starts off to my supposedly new home. As the chauffeur veers off into another lane, he sends me a mail on my blackberry. Even before reading it, I know what would have been typed in anger.

Why?

Why did you betray me? I expected him to curse me bitterly.

But as I read on, to my astonishment, he doesn't seem to hold anything against me.

Look forward to the bright future this man wants to give you. Bury your past below profound depths. Have a beautiful life ahead.

It's hard to let you go. But I'll try. You deserve a better man afterall. Maybe we are not meant to be together. Seems like destiny had better plans for you.

Stay happy. Keep him happy. And just remember that out there in some corner of the world a man will be happy because you are happy.

As I finish reading the letter, my eyes brim up with tears. I can't control or suppress anymore. Now, at this moment, I break down and cry. Just this very day. Eben misunderstands and relegates my tears to a bride's cold feet emotions.

Tears roll down my cheeks and pelter down on the note, wetting the paper. They smudge my pretentious make-up and heavy mascara. I wail and weep with all my heart for the injustice I did to him.

For the injustice I did to us.

Lovelorned feelings

*Purely fictional*

I fiddle with my cellphone every moment, staring bleakly at it, wishing to hear your voice.

What will you be doing now?

Eating?

Sleeping?

Playing cricket?

Are you with some other girl?

Are you thinking about me like the way I do?
I dial the number.

988......234



But everytime it starts ringing I'm unsure of it and I cut the call.

I don't know why.

But I won't back off today. It's your birthday today. I've been waiting for this day more than you could have been waiting. This day that you were born is so special to me.

My fingers tremble as I clutch the cellphone in my hand. I don't have your number in my phonebook. I deleted it. Because everytime I see your name in the contacts, I feel pangs of pain. Everytime my phone rings, I silently hope the screen flashes your name. But you always disappoint me, don't you?

I don't need to save your number anyway. I know it by-heart. Every digit of it . I'll remember it after 50 years from now also, even if it goes out of service.

As I press each digit on the number pad, my heart races. Those 9 digits which belong to your phone. Just one press of the green button and I'll be connected to you and can listen to your voice.

988......234

With each ring, my uncertainty builds up. Will you receive me well? Will I be disturbing you? I wish that you won't answer the call in the first place and save me from any embarrassment. I will be jilted if you won't bother to speak well.


1st ring...

2nd ring...

3rd...

4th...

5th...

6th...

As I am about to hang up silently thanking god, I listen to your voice, sending jolts of electric tension all over me.

"Hello"

"Hi, What are you doing?"

"Who is this?"

Silence

" Oh yeah, you! I am fine"

"I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. And..."

"Listen I'm very busy now. Partying and all. I'll catch you later tonight if you're awake."

"OK...but..."

And I find myself wondering, holding a dead connection.

Trying to pull away from me? That's good for you because I'm trying to get away from you too. Forget about me. I'm just one of those fools you stumble across in life. I've started to forget you. Maybe its good for me too. I really wished to have you as a lover and be with you for the rest of my life. Who cares about that now? My life is doomed anyway.

I wish I could turn back the globe to the day I met you, and undo it like it never happened. Erase that moment from the chronicles of time. If it never happened, then I wouldn't be suffering and pining for your love this way.

Or wish I could wipe you away from my memory. Let my brain become necrotic and I get liberated from your thoughts.

Like you never existed.

Like I never knew you.

Sure I would have missed all the fun in knowing a wonderful being like you. But more is the sorrow that such a wonderful being can't be mine.

I feel very sad. I feel lost. The ' what if ' feeling grips me and stifles me.

What if you could love me back?

What if you had the same feelings for me?

What if we could be together for all our lives ?

Maybe 30 years from now I'll feel silly at having loved you hopelessly though you didn't reciprocate. I might even laugh at myself and tell my grand children snippets of how obsessed I was about you and preserved everything related to you... your photos, the chocolate wrappers you threw, the spent-up pens you once used, the letters I wrote but never intended to post, your finger-prints on the screen of calculator you borrowed from me that I cherished before it got erased forever.

Maybe I would curse myself later in life about loving a man who didn't tad bother to look at my way more than thrice throughout my school life.

May be I'll be with some other man 30 years from now.

But who knows...?... that other man could be yourself.

Yeah, here's the damned romantic facet in me, hoping against hopes, against all odds that I am living to see the light of the day, somewhere in the not too distant future, when we would be together.

Even if we are not together, I'll fantasy about you. You will be the man of my dreams. Atleast you can't claim yourself from my fantasies.

In my dreams, we would be soul-mates and you'll love me more than I could love you back. That much that if I asked you how much you love me, you would stretch your hands wide to cover the unending sky implying that your love for me is infinite, eternal, selfless and unconditional.

I can only hope for that, shouldn't I?