Unsaid Emotions

My blogger friend Anwesh started a beautiful story and left the continuation to reader's own imagination. Here is Aersh's version, who is another of my blogger friend.

Unsaid Emotions

(Anwesh's beginning)

“He who never speaks out, never gains, never learns and never loves…”


********************************************
The cold current of water sprayed across the rocks and pebbles scattered haphazardly on the waterbed. The water touched those stones and then, brushed past her feet. Her naked feet. She leaned forward and touched the pristine – clear water, and felt it slip through her fingers. The evening was about to set in and there was a strange eerie feeling all around. All she could hear was the silent rapids of the Ganges splattering across.

He sat on a rock, constantly scratching it. Every now and then, he looked up… looked at her. And he would look down, and feel his heart melting and oh! So many things. This was the second week he sat here… just staring at her.

Do I love her… Do I tell her… What do I tell her?

As he scanned through these questions in his head, he saw her get up and come his way. He quickly slid behind the rock, and as usual, prayed and hoped that she didn’t see him. When he opened his eyes, he saw her standing in front of him.

She stared at him through those innocent blue eyes, and said, “You are…?”

“Oh, I am Sahaz”, he said, straightening up.

“I have never seen you here before. Come here often?”

I should have found a better spot to hide.

He scratched his head, looking anywhere but at her.

“Aah, yeah… Lovely spot you know. Water and rocks, and more water and more rocks…”

Damn it, control your stupidity.

“Anyways, am Sahaz.”

She sheepishly smiled and said, “Am Asin.”

Then, she opened her hair, which was so far tied loosely. She straightened them out and then said, “You live close by?”

“Not really. I live in the village behind that hill.” He pointed at a small village on his left side, glad to have an excuse for not looking at her angelic face.

They kept quite for a while. Then she said, “I am getting late. I have to go. I will see you some other time, okay?

”He didn’t hear anything, staring at her kept him too busy.

“Hello?”

“Oh, yeah. Okay, see you later.”

She disarmed a smile at him, “Bye!”

*******************************************

“You believe in love?”

“Me? Aah, I don’t know. Maybe…”

He kept staring at her.

“What? What are you staring at?”

“Do you know how beautiful you are?”

“You are just making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“You really think I would do that?”

(My continuation from here)

She didn’t answer. She just looked at him and smiled. The very smile he was besotted to.

Does she have any idea how much I love her?

**************************************************

The first rays of the morning sunshine kissed the waves. He was throwing pebbles in the water and waiting for her near the shore.

She is my first love.
But hers?

I won’t be able to live without her.
But she?

Everyday he resolved he would reveal his lovelorn feelings to her. Only he knew how excruciating it was to subside the intense love he had for her.
But he couldn’t gain enough courage. How could he, when he knew it wouldn’t work out? He was plain simple. She, an angelic beauty.

I don’t deserve her at all….look at me! She deserves someone better.

It was six in the morning. Time for her to come. He arranged his ruffled hair looking into his image in the pristine water.

Today is my last chance. It is now or never. I get dumbstruck when I face her. So I penned down all my feelings in a letter. I will give it to her today.

The pebbles he threw striked the surface with a splash, creating waves. He saw the reflection of her approaching him, wavering in the ripples.

“ Hi Sahaz”

“ Hi….umm…your dress…it’s blue. I like blue. Infact I love blue.”

God! Couldn’t I think of a better way of starting the conversation?

“Yeah, the colour of the Ganges.”

Go on, tell her that you love her

“Asin…”

“Yes.."

Silence

(trembling ) “ I …”

(with a raised eyebrow) “You..?”

” I love…”

“ Yes?”

I love you. Don’t you see it in my eyes? Don’t you see my heart throbbing for you?

“I love…I like…”

(getting impatient) “ umm…? “

His legs went numb. He couldn’t get those 3 simple words, which decided his life, out of his mouth.

“I like…I like your dress…blue dress.”

Damn!

“ I know. Thanks.”

Sensing he couldn’t say it out, he thought it was best to give her the love letter. He was about to give the letter….

“So what are your future plans? Hmm… what is that paper? "

“ Oh it’s nothing. What did you say? My future plans? My father has left me the responsibility of looking after our textile shop in my village".

“That’s good”

“I will give you many dresses… free of cost. Just for you.”

“So sweet of you. But I won’t be there to take any.”

“Why? “

“I got admitted in a course in an institute at Delhi”

“What?? So are you leaving the village?”

“Yes. Tonight by bus”

He received the shock of his life.

“Oh! …I ….You…. that’s a really good news!”

“and I …what’s the paper you are fiddling with?”

“Oh, this is…this is…. my wedding invitation.”

I couldn’t think of a better lie.I wanted to appear normal as if it didn’t affect me at all.

“Great! I’m so happy for you. So give it to me”

“Oh, I…well..they are still not printed. This is the draft copy. You won’t be able to attend it anyway. You are going so far.”

“ Yeah. That girl is damn lucky”

“Could be”

“Will you come to the bus stand to see me off?”

How could I bear to see the sight of my beloved parting from me???

Umm…I’m sorry I can’t. I have to look after the shop."

“Okay no problem. I have to go and pack now. Bye. Miss you.”

“Go on. Goodbye.”

Bye forever. I’ll miss you too. You don’t have any idea how much I will.

He crushed the letter, tore it and threw it into the Ganges. The water erased the blue ink, which penned his concealed love and unsaid emotions and washed it away forever.

The bits of his letter got submerged to the depths of the river and disappeared without a trace.
And his hopes too.


She walked away not even glancing back for once. As the distance grew between them, step-by-step, his eyes welled up with tears. All he could see through his hazy eyes were his dreams crashing with broken wings, tumbling down, and her image retreating away.

Story of my life. My love ended even before it could begin.

*********************************


Diary entry

8.30 P.M 20/4/09


I am in the bus to Delhi. It seems I will reach Delhi in 4 hours.My parents and brother came to see me off.

I’ll miss my family.

And the village and the Ganges.

And him.

Yes, him the most. He looked dashing today. Simple but dashing.That’s what I like in him- his simplicity.He’s so down to earth. I was floored by his simplicity and clumsiness, on the very day I caught him behind the rocks. He portrays what he really is. No airs. No feigning attitude. I always admire his behaviour- polite and sweet natured. He’s everything I want my husband to be.

I wanted to propose to him so many times. But I couldn’t gain enough courage. Something would hold me back. I would be disheartened if he would say no. I don’t want to make things awkward between us. So I kept postponing it everytime.

Until today.

Today, I wanted to pour out my feelings, no matter what. Today was a big day for me.I went to the shore-the place we meet often, with novel hopes. And with a courageous heart.

I had so many dreams. Just like the movies-- I would propose to him. He would agree. And we both would move to Delhi. He would find a job there. Everything would be perfect. It would be like a fairytale coming true.

But happy endings happen only in movies. Not in real life. Real life is one big harsh truth.

Those 3 words came till the tip of my tongue. I almost said it. But then he told me about his wedding. It took me a lot of courage to mask my feelings and appear normal. I couldn’t stand there anymore. I wanted to go away from him. I couldn’t bear losing him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, to leave him behind and walk away pretending I don’t love him.

Story of my life.My love ended even before it could begin.

****************************************************

“One who never speaks out, never gains, never learns and never loves…”

Pharma industrial visit

Sumages pharma industrial visit

I went to a pharma industrial trip recently to Sumages Pharma Industry and Chemiloids Laila implex.I had fun with classmates in the trip and learnt about the practical aspects of the equipments we use in drug manufacturing and formulation.

Well during the journey we met with a small accident. The bus collided with a tractor driven by a negligent driver carrying rice husk dust. The dust fell on us through the windows. It was very irritating. For a split second I thought we were all dead. Later I was relieved that it was harmless and nothing much happened to us. We got compenstion for the broken window panes of the bus.


Cutting-edge technology equipments and apparatus were all displayed in the industry. Watching all that was like visualising a scene from a futuristic hollywood movie. Eveything was automated by computers.


Capsule granulating equipment

Some of the equipments were capsule granulating machine, nuclear magnetic resonance equipment, HPLC appratus,titrimeter, friability testing appratus, spectrophotometer,tablet strip packing equipment, tablet coating equipment etc.



Capsule filling and strip packing equipment

The titrimeter, and friability testing apparatus

In the botanical germplasm bank, all herbs and medicinal plants were housed. I've seen rats, and mice in the pharmcology lab being experimented.

It was a great experience. I gained so much information. I hope we go to more such trips.

My terrace

I love my terrace. Whenever I feel sad or happy, I come to the terrace.
I have always been adventurous in finding secret places on the terrace of my home...under the water tank, over the lift room, behind the poles....

Nobody knows these places. No body climbs to the terrace.There are many secret places on my terrace where I can cut off and hide from the rest of the world.

My hide-out: Under the water tank


I find so much serenity and solace here when I'm disturbed.Whether I'm happy, angry or sad, I feel contended staying alone staring the aure sky.


Panoramic view

The sky and the moon always enthrall me. I love sky-watching , counting the stars, bird-watching and observing people who look like ants, from my terrace.



The tower

I find inspiration to write poems and stories here. I love flying kites from my terrace. The panoramic view from the terrace is scenic.I can watch the whole town from here.The BSNL towers are errected on the terrace. I love climbing its poles and sitting on its rungs.

antenna

On The Boulevard Of Hope Filled Dreams

Two lovers, walking by the lane, I did see,
A leaf, the girl plucked from the tree,
Wrote the boy’s name and presented it to him blushingly.

Treasuring the leaf, the boy,
Kissed the leaf and kept it safe in his pocket,
Took out his pen and repeated the cute stance.

Sweet pleasure from my heart, it emanated,
As I saw that cute blessed couple.
Yet, I felt surging pangs of pain.
My heart ached thinking about you.

Thinking about,
the million miles that lay between us,
to separate our love.

Thinking about,
all I ever wanted to express,
but you weren’t any near to listen to me.

Thinking about,
the passing lonely days,
that I could have spent with you instead.

Staring despondently at your old photographs
that failed to capture your luster and charm…

Waiting endlessly for you to come back
and put a halt to my succumbing loneliness…

My future is all bleak.
Sadness replete.
Living in the past,
And envisaging a future,
When you would be close to me.

Close enough…
To listen to your words
resonating in my heart rhythmically.
But now,
I talk by the phone only to listen to your
distant echoing voice.

Close enough…
To remind me that the touch of your hand
is there to catch me wherever I fall.
But now,
Though I falter I don’t find
an outstretched reassuring hand to care for me.

Close enough…
That I can stare into your eyes for hours
and yet say nothing at all.
But now,
I can only imagine your face and though I want
to say a million things you are not there to lend an ear.

Close enough…
That every dawn I wake up to the morning sunshine
I start my day seeing you blissfully sleeping beside.
But now,
Insomnia gripping me, I lay awake all night
missing the warmth of your self on the bedside.

Unfulfilled infinite dreams
Imbued in my eyes,
Of words uncommunicated…
Of thoughts unshared…
Of moments unspent…
Of emptiness and vacuum filled space…

I live to see the light of the day--
The day when we would meet;
The day of melting miles;
The day when there’s just you and me around,
and all the time in the world to spare.

For your arrival, I wait with eager eyes,
On the Boulevard of hope filled dreams.

Be my valentine

The boy proposes:

I'll conquer the universe at your slightest wish
and drizzle the shimmering stars on you.
I'll pluck the cresented moon studded in the sky
and adorn it as a brooch on your gown.

Spending my lifetime by your side,
I'll give all the time in the world to you.
You will be my utmost importance.
I'll abandon you for not even a moment.

Covering the thorns in your path by my palm,
I'll bear the pricking pain for your sake.
Protecting you at your every trodden step,
I'll lay down your path with rosy petals.

With this love that bountifully gushes from my heart,
I'll take a lifetime to express it.
Is this a reason enough,that I want to be with you?
I hope you'll accept my love. Be my valentine.

The girl replies:

I don't need stars, they fade at dawn.
I don't need the moon, it wanes after a fortnight.
I see the twinkle of the stars in your caring eyes.
I see a crescent moon, in the curve of your smiling lips.

I need just a speck of grain, in the sands of your time.
I don't care for all the time in the world.
I'll give you your space, I'll give you your time.
You can have your own priorities, I won't hinder.

The thorns have to pierce my heart first
before they prick your protecting hand.
If you stand by me at my every step,
I can endure every thorn with pleasure.

Love me for no reason.

Love me on no condition.
If unconditional love is what you can reciprocate,
then I am your valentine.