*Purely fictional*
The thought of moving into a bigger city leaving behind my best friend scared me. I thought I would be alone all left to myself. Soon I was lucky enough to find one.
She became my new good friend in the new city. I had someone to talk to and laugh along with. Someone with whom I can catch up a weekend movie and relax in a fast food joint. Someone to share my secrets and and do the usual girl gossip. Everything was going fine but then some turn of events made misunderstandings to crop up in between us. Maybe it was her mistake or maybe it was mine, but nothing can revert back our friendship like the way it used to be before.
I admit I was less caring. I couldn’t give everything she was looking for in a friend. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. I didn’t indulge too much into her personal life. I thought I knew where to draw a line. I thought that’s what people want and appreciate-privacy. If she went out somewhere alone, I didn’t bother to ask her where and why. I respected her privacy and didn’t go knocking on the doors of her private life.
One day this third girl came along between us. She was the poky type….the one who pokes nose into other’s matters and digs in personal information. My friend thought that’s a trait to be a caring friend- to enquire into personal life. She would knock on the doors of her private space until she opened. They would gossip on and she would pour out every detail to her which I didn’t bother to know about. What she found as a caring nature I found it as an intrusion. Slowly their frequencies matched, they clicked on well.
I had faults. But even she did. If it wasn’t for my take-it-easy nature, I would never have forgiven the way she used to insult and hurt me in front of everyone wittingly or unwittingly. Or how she wouldn’t let go one little chance to poke fun on me and make me the target of her jokes.
With this third girl, we became a threesome. This third girl brought in another girl into our pack and yeah we had a fourth girl also in the picture. I was jealous. It used to be great before….just we both and we would hit the city on weekend and would have a great time. But with this pack thing, I had a difficulty moving along with them. My frequency didn’t match with them and I was the odd one out. They would laugh at a joke which I thought was very silly and keep wondering if I am dumb to understand wise jokes. The things which were funny to me weren’t to them, and they would keep a weird look on their faces wondering why I found that actually funny. I would remain silent in the pack and they conveniently ignored me as if I wasn’t present physically among them. Even if I was lost on the way, trying hard to catch up with their fast pace, they wouldn’t have bothered to stop and look for me. That’s what happened later. I was lost. I wandered onto a different road and found myself all alone.
Suddenly I was not the first person whom she would call up first to share excitedly any good news. Nor was I the person, she considered apt to discuss her sorrows to be consoled. I wasn’t the person she thought to be fit enough to be in her pack to hit the city on weekends. Nor was I the person she and her pack bothered to call along to join them for lunch and dinner in the mess. I wasn’t the person who had a chance to get the first bite from her birthday cake….the piece normally reserved for a best friend. Nor I was I the person she counted among her friends deserving her birthday treat at Mc Donalds. I wasn’t the person with whom she would sit next to in the bus. Before I would keep a seat for her and we both would enjoy the morning bus ride together listening to music. Nor was I given the special embroidered suits of which he hometown was famous for. She promised she would get them to me, back when we were just two and good friends.
She became my new good friend in the new city. I had someone to talk to and laugh along with. Someone with whom I can catch up a weekend movie and relax in a fast food joint. Someone to share my secrets and and do the usual girl gossip. Everything was going fine but then some turn of events made misunderstandings to crop up in between us. Maybe it was her mistake or maybe it was mine, but nothing can revert back our friendship like the way it used to be before.
I admit I was less caring. I couldn’t give everything she was looking for in a friend. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. I didn’t indulge too much into her personal life. I thought I knew where to draw a line. I thought that’s what people want and appreciate-privacy. If she went out somewhere alone, I didn’t bother to ask her where and why. I respected her privacy and didn’t go knocking on the doors of her private life.
One day this third girl came along between us. She was the poky type….the one who pokes nose into other’s matters and digs in personal information. My friend thought that’s a trait to be a caring friend- to enquire into personal life. She would knock on the doors of her private space until she opened. They would gossip on and she would pour out every detail to her which I didn’t bother to know about. What she found as a caring nature I found it as an intrusion. Slowly their frequencies matched, they clicked on well.
I had faults. But even she did. If it wasn’t for my take-it-easy nature, I would never have forgiven the way she used to insult and hurt me in front of everyone wittingly or unwittingly. Or how she wouldn’t let go one little chance to poke fun on me and make me the target of her jokes.
With this third girl, we became a threesome. This third girl brought in another girl into our pack and yeah we had a fourth girl also in the picture. I was jealous. It used to be great before….just we both and we would hit the city on weekend and would have a great time. But with this pack thing, I had a difficulty moving along with them. My frequency didn’t match with them and I was the odd one out. They would laugh at a joke which I thought was very silly and keep wondering if I am dumb to understand wise jokes. The things which were funny to me weren’t to them, and they would keep a weird look on their faces wondering why I found that actually funny. I would remain silent in the pack and they conveniently ignored me as if I wasn’t present physically among them. Even if I was lost on the way, trying hard to catch up with their fast pace, they wouldn’t have bothered to stop and look for me. That’s what happened later. I was lost. I wandered onto a different road and found myself all alone.
Suddenly I was not the first person whom she would call up first to share excitedly any good news. Nor was I the person, she considered apt to discuss her sorrows to be consoled. I wasn’t the person she thought to be fit enough to be in her pack to hit the city on weekends. Nor was I the person she and her pack bothered to call along to join them for lunch and dinner in the mess. I wasn’t the person who had a chance to get the first bite from her birthday cake….the piece normally reserved for a best friend. Nor I was I the person she counted among her friends deserving her birthday treat at Mc Donalds. I wasn’t the person with whom she would sit next to in the bus. Before I would keep a seat for her and we both would enjoy the morning bus ride together listening to music. Nor was I given the special embroidered suits of which he hometown was famous for. She promised she would get them to me, back when we were just two and good friends.
I want to tell her that I am sorry if I did a mistake. I want the misunderstandings to evaporate. I want her back on talking terms where we would go on talking because we really wanted to and not because saying ‘hi, hello’ and exchanging pleasantries is a formality.
I wish I could turn back time. She moved on with her new found friends and doesn’t need me anymore. I still miss her. Alas, nothing can repair our tattered relationship gone disarrayed beyond anyone can repair.
Hey,
ReplyDeletethat was beautifuly carved out.
A good friend tend to a important position in our life,its departure usually set us back.
Beautifully written.. you know why I loved this post a lot.. I had a similar experience in life before and could easily relate to it.. I guess that's how life is.. you find new friends and stop worrying about old friends.
ReplyDeletehave had a few friends like these...I have moved on though :)
ReplyDeletenice post.
take care
there was a time when the old friends, I thought they were life, that they are the last thing that I'd want...then I lost contact, and its only a few of them I want to turn back to, a very few.
ReplyDeleteLot of times in life people outgrow their friends ... I guess it is for the good, the protagonist in the story was lucky that she didn't have to dumb herself, or compromise her beliefs in order to get accepted as a friend. What value does a friendship hold if one can't overlook a few things ...
ReplyDelete