Of Promises Kept And Broken

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I ran out of sunscreen in Iraq! I must have turned atleast 3 shades darker, shooting in the sultry sun !”, she was complaining.

“Your smile is breathtaking”. I said and broke her chain of conversation.

“You liar! You don't notice my smile! You are always lost in your own dreamy world and stare bleakly into my eyes!”, she said.

She was immersed in an animated description of her latest adventures in Iraq. She was proud of her brave stunts of acquiring an exclusive footage of shocking war revelation. That's her job. She is a war journalist. She is posted to terror stricken and tension centered war zones of the world.



She trekked the rough terrains of Zagros mountains in Iraq, in a camouflaged dress, survived only on the water of River Tigris for 2 days and shot secretly at the enemy's camp from behind the rocks. The video footage was to be submitted to the BBC news channel and the anti-terrorist intelligence. She captured the terrorist's conversations, all by herself, in their camp which revealed their strategies and future targets.


I wasn't listening to her talking about her experiences in Iraq. I was transported to the beautiful land of Kashmir...six years ago....that was where and when I first met her.

And fell in love eventually.



I was a tourist to Kashmir. A bomb raid broke out by terrorists. Everyone who were boating in the Dal lake previously were fleeing for their dear lives. I ran towards the shelter of apple woods. In the midst of all this chaos, I saw her shooting with a video camera from behind the thick apple trees.

Love at first sight.

There was a mystique glint of bravery flickering in her eyes.

That's what I liked in her – her eyes and her bravery.

There was no one around. She was startled at first. Confirming that I was harmless, she came forward and dressed my bleeding hand with her scarf.

That was just the start.

During my stay at Kashmir, we exchanged our mobile numbers, talked late into the night and went out in the snow every other day. I must say she talked a lot. A very talkative girl she was!

Our love blossomed in the beautiful land of Kashmir-- rightly called ' heaven on earth'.

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I was scared for her...for her life...of her dangerous job.

I pleaded her, persuaded her and pestered her at many instances to quit the job. I wanted us to get married, move to Dalhousie and happily live ever after...always...forever.

She was very adamant of her journalist job. At first I thought she was being headstrong.

One day she told me, “my parents died in front of my eyes in the hands of the terrorists. I was barely seven then! I've dedicated my life to do everything possible in my own small way to uncover their strategies.”

It was then that my love to her took a new dimension. I started respecting her job. My love for her grew even more in intensity.

Relating to those horrid childhood incidents there were tears in her eyes.

Nonetheless, the mystique glint of bravery flickering in her eyes didn't fade away.

That's what I liked in her – her eyes and her bravery.



********************************

I was scared.
True.

I was scared for her.
A lie.

In truth I was scared for myself. I can't live without her! I can't envisage a future for myself without her being beside me.

“Hey don't be so gloomy! Do you think I'll die so easily and sacrifice you to the other pretty girls !!?? No way! I'll be there for you...always...forever.” She teased.

I asked ,“ Promise?”

She replied, “ Promise! I rarely promise anyone. But if I do, then I value it with my life!”


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When she was away covering news in the war zones, my time would go out of sync with the rest of the world. I would lose track of days and dates. My time was divided into two phases-- the time I was with her and the time I waited for her. I would wait frantically clutching my mobile in my hand for that one call from her, assuring me she's safe and sound.

She feared nothing. She was brave.

She had her priority – her aim of exposing the activities of terrorists.

I had my priority – it was 'she'.

*************************************


I was in the airport. I got a call. I could not believe my ears! My head was spinning...my whole world went topsy-turvy!


*************************************

It was 2 days for my birthday to arrive. She was in Sarajevo reporting the war there live.

I urged her to come back.

She said yes.

It was a promise.

It seemed she had a surprise gift for me and wouldn't reveal it till we met. I pretended to be very much interested to know what the surprise gift was. I didn't want to be a spoilsport.
In truth, the gift didn't matter to me.

It was her coming back from Sarajevo after 2 months which truly was a gift to me.

**************************************

It was the day of my birthday. I went to the airport to receive her. I was waiting for her eagerly. Finally the flight arrived.

But... there was no sign of her.

I waited for her for another hour.

I heard my cell phone ringing. I was sure it was her. Smilingly I answered the call...but ... it was a male voice.

“I am from BBC news. I'm really sorry to say...but she is no more. She was killed in the war at Sarajevo”.


These words changed my life. For worse.

*************************************

She did keep her promise to come back on my birthday. But it was not the intact her. Her body was flown in a coffin to the airport. Her luggage was recovered and handed over to me.

I thought I would celebrate my birthday with her lively self around.

I was wrong.

I laid beside her lifeless body and for the first time in my life I cried.

I don't know for how long I cried.

My tears were exhausted. Nonetheless, they could not alleviate the emotions which burnt my heavy heart.

At night, I was flipping through her luggage. The surprise gift she planned for me was a hand woven kerchief with my name embroidered at the center.

It was as if she was consoling me not to cry and wiping my tears with the kerchief.

I preserved everything belonging to her....somethings tangible which lay safely in the cupboard...and as far as those intangible moments were concerned...they were there to stay in my memory, always...forever!


*****************************

It's been 3 years now. I still couldn't forget her.

Every night, from that day till today, I get scary dreams. She would be writhing and wriggling in pain just in front of my eyes. She would scream at the crest of her voice for help. But I would be handcuffed and helpless to rescue her. She would die every night again and again in my dreams.

I fear sleep.

Every day, those beautiful moments I spent with her keep flashing back. Everything and everyone remind me of her. No matter what I do, I think of her and her thoughts send pangs of pain in my heart. I try to suppress the pain, but the feelings gush out and churn my heart. I take sleeping pills to switch off from the pain.

I fear being awake.



Someone said that love is a bucketful of emotions. So true!

Her voice reverberates in my ears--“ Promise! I rarely promise anyone. But if I do, then I value it with my life!”

She did really have to value the promise with her life. She had to forgo her life...our life!!
It was a broken promise...a promise unkept...a promise unfulfilled.

I am so frustrated that, I want to kill her again and again for her broken promise. Why did she leave me alone??

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“You liar! You don't notice my smile! You are always lost in your own dreamy world and stare bleakly into my eyes!”

Yes, I used to lie about her smile. It wasn't her smile or lips that I noticed. I used to look deep into her twinkling eyes. She had an unflinching flame of bravery flickering in her eyes and the brunt of the horrifying images of her parents dying in front of her.

Her eyes spoke for her.

He eyes said it all!

That's what I liked in her – her eyes and her bravery.

The affidavit

I've been pestering Dad for almost an year for buying digital camera. I'm fed up with the conventional camera and with the whole lengthy process of it.I'm lazy in the first place to take the reel to the photo studio. O.k just in case I hand over the photos to the studio ...I hate frantically waiting for the photos to get developed...and finally when these photos arrive...they don't come as I expect(sigh!). This happened everytime-- with my birthday photos, party snaps with friends, photos of family holidaying, the college fresher's day etc etc. You either find me closing my eyes in half of them...or I am still setting my hair or dress being unaware that the photo has been already clicked 2 minutes ago...or give a crooked smile that scares anybody's guts off !So kudos for this revolutionary digital camera--which has refined photo shooting and made this task much more enjoyable. I can delete bad snaps and choose the ones I like.!

I've been convincing dad that my neighbour has it, my friend Priyanka has it, my cousin Souj has it , so why can't I own one? You get the point there right. From past 1 year I failed miserably to persuade him. What not have I tried?? Blackmailed him, tried coaxing him up, buttering up, stopped eating food for a day to put up strike and done pretending to be a good girl in front of him. He has so much grit and determination that he has refused to give in or give up. And so am I ok....neither will I admit defeat so soon.I still am not letting my father be victorious...that battle is yet to be conquered.

And I've devised a final fool-proof plan which is bound to succeed. The affidavit...yes official one. You see the 'Govt. of India' seal there? It is fully original. Here was my plan...not just one of it...but 2 of them..plan A and if it fails plan B.

Plan A-- Here's the rough master idea for you folks--

Take a blank sheet -->Go to dad-->Ask for autograph(Dad's a big sucker for fame...yaps off as if he's a big celeb.So he's bound to fall for this one!!) --> Rest is all in this geniou's hands...edit it as I want....add any number of complicated clauses and fabricate it to suit my needs. (Give a thumbs up to me!!)

Plan B -- My back up plan--

Tare off the affidavit --> Flip it into the trash bin --> Fall on dad's feet --> yell, cry, weep make a hella noise!!

But guys plan A succeeded fortunately(yaay!!). Rest was all history! Dad went berserk. Finally he calmed down. He finally agreed to buy a digi-cam soon!!.. but on a mutual agreement. Dad wanted to add a new clause in the affidaavit that I should get 80 + % in my 3rd year 2nd semister exams. Well, they are anyway to be conducted in next April. So my dad might as well forget about the whole episode by then and on the contrary I am to get my digi-cam just in 2 - 4 days!! yippie!! So I thought there's no harm in signing the agreement.

Finally I got my sister to sign it as an eye-witness to this. So, folks 14th November is a big day for me. In case my Dad fails to keep his word ,I along with the help of my sister, with the proof of the affidavit, have a full-fledged official right to sentence him to jail. Just joking!! ...it won't go that far. Umm..hopefully.He won't leave much of a choice to me if he fails to purchase one.

Will post if I did really purchase one or not. Bye folks!!

Lip-smacking delights!!

I’ve got refined tastes for food. I am ready to commit any sin in the world in exchange for these lip-smacking delights!!

C for Chocolate

A chunk of fudgy chocolate delight…yummy!

With the pervasive aroma of roasted cocoa beans and the tempting sight of irrestibly rich dark-brown color, I transcend into an altogether heavenly world..!

I savor the taste of melting goodness on my tongue and treasure the sugary sweetness on my taste buds. The soft chocolate moulds tickle my senses. When I feast on a chocolate bar, music seems tangible and vivid images erupt into a wild dance! The world seems to disappear into a momentary oblivion. It evokes fervent fantasies in the deepest of my hearts. My time and space go out of sync with the rest of the universe. A bite of chocolate sinfully inflicts me with inexplicable pleasure and euphoria!

Do not dare to disturb me when I am feasting on a chocolate bar!!!

T for tea

Its snack-o-time!!

This beverage gives me the ever-essential kick and bouts of active jolts for my senses. With just 1 cup of this frizzy hot drink, I get recharged for the task ahead!
This power drink reloads me with activeness and energy required to burn the midnight oil for exams and I keep gulping down oceans and oceans of it. I feel drowsy, restless and withdrawn from the surroundings, with lack of interest and initiative, if I skip tea in the evening snacks-time. And if there’s a pack of crispy biscuits to complement this steaming beverage, there’s nothing more blissful in this world!

I am kind of addicted to this mind stimulant! Someone help me!!
M for mutter paneer masala

I can’t resist salivating at the very sight of this Punjabi dish!!
(Even right now I am going bonkers by seeing this picture above. I am off to pester mom to make it soon!!)

Chunks of diced fresh paneer cubes fried to a golden tinge, studded with garden-fresh green peas marinated in spicy gravy along with crisp kulchas, stir up a tangy tingling sensation in my mouth and I am left bemused. Cottage cheese dumplings impart a unique taste. I munch down to my heart's content and seem to demand more and more till it appeases my hunger pangs!

I am ready to surrender myself and do anything in this world for this treat!! Now you know my week point :)


P for pani puri

I seem not to be content with how many ever gol-gappe I guzzle down! It is such a delicious snack to be eaten during evenings with friends.

I’ve gained over-the-years expertise in gorging down larger-than-my-mouth-sized gappas without spilling even a drop of masala pani down. And the pani-puri walla selling on the cart on pavements might get tired hatching the gappa, stuffing it with spicy fillings and simmering it in masala pani and in no time I seem to gulp them down! I really don’t understand my friends when they complain that pani puri is too spicy and hot for their taste buds and is very cumbersome to eat. They have tough time swallowing the gappas and make a mess by spilling everything.

Ready for gol-gappe contest with me?

Oh, all this talk about food is making me hungry!!

The witty reply

It was history class. I was in 4th at that time. My history teacher was very intimidating. Her piercing stern spectacled eyes would command fear. I would dread her class and wait for the bell to ring.

The lesson was on Indus valley civilization and how people back then used to lead their lives.There was a picture of a man bathing in 'The great bath', mohenjadaro. The picture was quite revealing and that ancient man was scantily clad in clothes. We students found it very funny and tried to suppress giggles. But no one dared to laugh out loud due to fear of the teacher. The teacher sensing indisciplined giggles got hot-tempered.

Teacher : What's it? Who's it lauging? Don't you all remove clothes and bath every morning? (more laughther from us)

Teacher:(screeching at the crest of her voice): Sshh!!...What's so funny here? You all will be sent out right now!! I want pin-drop silence now!

We tried to hide our faces behind books. My classmate Vikram was the only bold student who spoke out in defiance. He gave a sharp reply which I haven't forgotten even now.

Vikram: True ma'm we all bath every morning... but we don't have our pictures printed in the text book this way!

To this my teacher didn't have any answer. She was staring at him tongue-tied and flabbergasted. No body dared to back answer her anytime. But Vikram was very intelligent and bold. Eventually she chuckled at the joke and seeing this, our laughter got fueled up and finally the whole class for the first time in the dreadful history period, along with the teacher, were all laughing.

Arun Bhaiyya

It was the day of Raksha Bandhan. All my friends were excitedly couriering rakhis to brothers farway. I didn't have any brothers. I was silently watching them...thinking about him...thinking about the Shatabdi express..thinking about why we lost contact now...thinking of his voice calling me choti...thinking of the train music which was ringing in my ears.These memories were stiffling me and I was carried down the memory lane to that day........

His last words are still reverberating in my ears. It was on the running train, my station was about to come. It was time for good-bye's. I did'nt want the journey to end.Not now...not ever. I wished I could travel for eons with him as if my only destination was the end of the universe itself.

I was on the train back to my place from Bangalore. It was a sultry summer and the afternoon siesta was engulfing me. I was drowsily staring into nothingness outside the window and stiffling yawns, when he walked into train at Bangalore station. Tall, handsome and nice physique...thats what I noticed the first time. His wife was waiting outside bidding good-bye.



I started reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. I don't talk to strangers usually. I was immersed in the fast-paced plot of the book when he started introducing himself and broke the ice.I was startled.


Him: Hi! I am Arun. I work in Navy as a navigator.
Me: Eh..hi!..umm...I am Aparna, finished 12th.
Him: That book you are reading (pointing the novel) ..I've already read it.It's a nice one.
Me: Ya, I feel the same too. Have you watched the movie ' The da vinci code' ? Its by the same author.
Him: Did'nt watch the movie but I read the book. Angels is much better.
Me: Where are you from?
Him: Basically from punjab.But I and my wife stay now in Bangalore. Recently I got a job in navy at Vizag. I came to Blore for holidays.I am rarely at Blore nowadays. I miss my wife.



I've seen his wife. She was very pretty.Later he told me that she is from Hyderabad. He told his love story of how he met his wife in the same train a year back, exchanged numbers, talked frequently late into the night, fell in love and eventually married by eloping. Neither of their parents were happy as they married against their wishes so they came to Bangalore far from their wrath.

Listening to this I said--
Me: Your love story is like the movie ' Kabhi kushi kabie gham'.
Him: Haha.. life's a movie isn't it? I found my wife last year in the same train. And I found a friend like you now in the same train. Thanks to Shatabdi express!


After some time we started playing ' Numero Uno' .Its a card game. I expalined to him the game.He did'nt catch it at at the start but gradually he beat me and won all the games.We talked a lot all during the journey.He showed his photo album of his marriage. We exchanged a great deal about our lives. It was a fun to talk to him.I told him that I finished 12th and now I am looking for admission into a college.He helped me in giving some contact numbers to medical colleges at Bangalore.It seems he knew the administrator of the college.We exchanged numbers. I wrote down his number on the front page of Angels and demons.



It was 9.00 A.M on the next day and my station was about to come.His station was Vizag which would arrive at afternoon.He came till the door to see me off. The train was moving slowly..everything was in slow motion..the music of the train receeding, the hooting siren, the vendors at the station...but all I could listen was only to him.I was mesmerised and kind of moved by his golden words.He was advising me to study well,that I should do well in academics and make my parents proud and that I should never hurt them and pay them back for every little thing they did by fairing well in career.I nodded enthusiastically and hung on to his every word. They were our last words together...they were words of enlightement.



We were in contact for a few months after that by phone. I told him I didn't have any brothers and always hoped I had one.He was more than glad to make me his sister.I would call him Arun bhaiyya. And he would call me choti.


My mischeivous sister tore off the first page of Angels and demons and I lost his number.I later changed my phone number so there's no way he can contact me now.








But I still remember the train journey and his words. Whenever I feel bored of studying, his words ring in my ears and I get reminded to study well. Ever since then I always look for him in the train whenever I go to Bangalore. You never know...god plans interesting ways to meet friends and special ones.