Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The other side of me

If you ask me who I am, I would say that I am a lifelong student. I may not be perfect, but I am always eager to learn something new, or from my past mistakes. There’s so much to gain from life. I remind myself to keep all my senses open, to know something new every single moment and what’s more wonderful than to have a reliable sixth sense or gut intuition which you can trust, to guide you the right path!

My dad gets transfers often. The new posting could be anywhere in the country..north, south, east or west .I have lived in five different cities and attended 7 different schools and 2 different colleges. I have a feeling we are nomads living in a mobile van. I always felt like a displaced person. I was the new kid on the block- an outsider, creating barrier to make friends. It was a very disruptive life. Each time I would start making friends it was time to say goodbye. Somehow this made me tough from inside, for good, that I have encountered various people, each with their own peculiar personalities. This made me independent. I don’t wait for anyone and don’t expect help from anyone. I am versatile—modern with a touch of conventionality. I can be garrulous or taciturn, rebellious or obedient, innocent or clever, confident or doubtful, brave or timid, simple or intricate. I am a blend of diverging personas. I really could not figure out who I am or what I am yet. I discover something new about myself as I live on, and constantly amaze myself with my potential, which eventually surfaces out, and about which I knew never existed in me.

I love my thoughts, my ideas, my abilities, my strenghts, my weaknesses, my personality, my mentality, my soul, my life and everything else which makes me, 'me '. I always dot an ''i '' or write the word ''me'' or sign my name with a heart...filled with a sense of pride, reverence, love and self-respect for myself.

Words are my forte. I can play with the English language and manipulate the opposite person to give in and say something by which I can have an advantage over him. I treat English language with veneration. The one commendable job the Britains did by ruling over us was to pass on the English legacy to us. I am so communicative and expressive in it. Not even my mother tongue makes me so comfortable. In all those new schools when I had to reach out my classmates and teachers, only English would come to my rescue. It was a bridge between us.

I’ve always found solace with books, novels, magazines and comics. I came to know a lot from them. Even back in school I used to look forward for the library period and I bet all my classmates in the number of books borrowed. I loved the literature class back in school. Our English teacher was very inspirational and she had complete command over English. It was she, who instilled the seed of love for prose, poetry and creative writing. If I were not studying pharmacy today, my choice would be, to become a column writer for newspapers.. or hopefully even a newspaper editor.

My English teacher once said that at the age of 21, one would be living the happiest moments of life. I am waiting to become 21 and wish my age would freeze then and there. I wish I had the power of turning back the time and rewinding the magic of 21 even after I cross it.

I might be only 19 but its like I've already lived a 30. I have witnessed so much in such a short span of my life...different people..different mentalities..different culture..different language..everything divergent and totally contrasting the previous place. I have traveled a lot and seen all there is to see in India...umm…atleast a major part of it. I agree that India holds a lot of beauty and tourist delights that it would take a lifetime to completely enjoy it. But nevertheless you can say I've 'been there, 'done that'.

If you asked me to define life, I would be at a total loss of words. I could say ‘it is a span of time and a series of experiences between life and death’…but on second thoughts ..isn’t life much more than that? The more you live the more enigmatic life becomes. And this enigma itself is the beauty of life. I think no one ever, however great one is, can define life in its ‘real’ sense, because no body has lived truly and to the fullest to provide a suitable definition to life. That’s because a lifespan of 100 years is very short to truly 'live'.

A 100 years is just a speck of grain in the hourglass to truly behold the beauties of earth. I would like to go on a world tour someday. Meeting different people and customs has become an inevitable part of my life though I welcomed it or not and now it has become my passion. I used to despise making new friends. I used to be shy trying to pretend I enjoyed being a loner. But now I have changed a lot. I am hungry of meeting new friends. As I come across someone new, it might take me time to melt away the emptiness in conversations, break the ice and delabel him as a ‘stranger’ but once that happens I am very talkative and it is very hard to zip my mouth. There is no stopping me when it comes to gossiping on the topic of books, music and movies—my 3 lifelines.

I am so used to new places that my stay in the place I live currently is making me suffocate and I can’t wait to get out of here and discover a new city. I am getting bored out of life here. Its like I am sleepwalking through my life. Its like I’ve already lived my life and living the same day again and again with nothing exciting or eventful happening. I am adventurous by heart but till now there came no chance along—no bungee jumping, no paragliding, no trekking, no camping and of that sorts. My time has gone out of sync with that of the world. I am still waiting for that one chance to prove myself and to show others and... even to myself who I really am.

My dad said he is expecting a transfer next year. I hope all these moments until next year melt off and in no time I get transcended to a new place and make new friends!

In heaven-9/11 tribute

I learnt how to swim this summer.
I can even open my eyes when I'm underwater!

I can swing on the swing by myself!
Even though I miss you pushing me.

I miss how you used to tickle me!

A child speaks to her father who is no more. He is a victim of 9/11 incident.The conversation is so innocent and heart-touching. Try..oh just try to keep your legs still..try not to cry!

I was all tears after I listened to this. It stirred up my emotions and left a deep wrenching pain in me. Thanx to Rohit Jain for sharing this.
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